sisabet

I'm starting to react strangely to food. I couldn't eat an entire donut this morning. I mean - I had already accepted the points and could spare them and I started eating this donut and for about three bites it was really really good and then... well it was still good, just not <i>that</i> good and then it was just too sweet and so I pitched it. We are at Day 12. I no longer feel like a lioness in a Lorne Greene's Wilderness Special, stalking gazelles. I'm not even particularly hungry right now. I don't know if I've lost any weight - my jeans are a bit looser today but jeans stretch so who knows? I *feel* guant and wasted and the very picture of waifish-near-deathedness. I don't *look* it. Even at my eating disordered best, when I could wrap my hand around my upper arm (awww! Memories!) I never looked waifish. I think it is impossible for me to look waifish. I am the Anti-Waif. It is like, some things I can achieve and some things are in a box labeled "not for Liz" and waif-status and the ability to do a cartwheel are both taped up tight in that box.

But in my mind's eye I scoff at Kate Moss, "Shyeah. Poser."

Then I slink off to grab a smoke with Donatella.

What was I gonna post about? Oh yeah - music.

Hee - surprise, surprise. I know I am waaay overdue for the overview on Americana but I totally have a valid excuse and that excuse is that it is HARD. Do you have any idea how many genres and cross genres and blended genres of music there are that can be labelled as Americana? Do you know that if you add a teeny tiny bit of reggae to some Delta-influenced blues it becomes something completely different? This is not yellow and blue make green. This is yellow and blue met and then talked about red and after a while they threw in some purple only they didn't know it was purple because it wasn't as if the blue and the red had even mixed it up in this setting. Then they made Chartreause.

Or however you spell it.

gwyn_r and I were discussing critical feedback of song choice over on sdwolfpup's <i> excellent Feedback 101  post.  Admittedly, it is... and I am straining to get this across as sensitively as I know how to be, because it isn't as if I do not appreciate every bit of feedback I receive and it isn't as if I am not used to this and already know and accept that I bring most of this upon myself (and I know this as soon as I say "Oh, this song is all about X").  But, yes -- the reaction to something phrased as "I absolutely hate this song but I really liked your vid"  can be... it can be off-putting.  At first. Then you shake it off and move on with your life because, hey! They liked your vid.  But part of you is sad. Yes. Sad.

gwyn_r made the point that music is intensely personal and she is absolutely right.  I can't think of another form of expression that I identify in as much and as intensely than music. I have no musical abilities. Until two weeks ago I believed I was tone deaf.  But I love music and I get excited about music and when I am excited about something (which, honestly - Most. Of. The. Time.) I want to share it. I want to tell the world about it. I want the world to go  "OH WOW! This is great!" and then I want the world to back off very quickly before they ruin it because this is MINE.  See, it is funny. I want to share and have other people enjoy this thing that is really cool - but not too many people. Or not all the time. MINE. 

Dude. Not rational at all.

But, and I cannot speak for all vidders, I can only speak for the vidder that is me (and sometimes other people that are also me, but none of them vid) and when I pick a song to vid, it is because I love that song intensely.   It isn't just because that song fits such and such situation.  I have to *like* and appreciate that song as art. I have to intensely identify with it.  I have to be filled with the love of that song and that situation and this bridge and the way it just.... it fills me up and makes me want to wallow.

And when you love something this intensely - it is difficult to accept that not everyone else will share your view. I remember scrolling LJ post-VVC and seeing reviews of the premiere show where someone (and for the life of me I cannot remember who - and if it was someone on my fList, forgive me for bringing this up, but I am trying to make a point)  posted about "Two Words" that the vid seemed okay but they detested the song and will never watch it again.  And I remember being all "Buh, Buh...KANYE! MOS DEF!!" in my head and my reaction to that reaction had nothing at all to do with my vid - the thing I had made. It was *all* about the song. This, IMO, fantastic song that, outside of me ever vidding it - should be heard. These wonderful artists who are doing something that is soooo important and yeah, maybe you just think you don't like it. I wanted to explain that this song is not about bling or banging shorties or smoking blunts or, as Kanye wryly observes on "The College Dropout" "Here I am rapping 'bout money, ho's and rims, again" and that this song is about urban blight and struggle and being trapped and just trying to survive and find something to put your faith into. 

But this was ridiculous. I have NO idea why the poster disliked the song (I didn't respond to her post because that would be tacky), so I immediately defaulted to my overly touchy "I love all music except country and rap" elitist response (and please, by all that is holy - even if you *feel* this way, don't tell me. Seriously, it will keep me awake at night! I will force you to listen to Spearhead. It will not be pretty). I don't know that the poster disliked the song because of some prejudice against the genre or because she just didn't like the song. For all I know, she has the entire Public Enemy Discography and just doesn't care for Kanye West's tendency to speed  up his samples.  But just the possibility that the song was being misunderstood or dismissed, not on its own merits, but because of a bias or prejudice - that was enough to make me a bit batty.

This will always make me batty. It isn't just songs I have vidded - it is any music that I feel has deeply touched me. Of course I feel compelled to defend it - IT DEEPLY TOUCHED ME.  Don't talk shit about Johny Cash's "Hurt" or tell me that Dr. Dre is nothing more than an indefensible gang-banger or mock Ralph Stanley or say anything at all about in-breeding contributing to that "high lonesome sound" or I will have to tell you exactly what I think about your mother.  Or I would if my mother would let me. Sadly, she actually reads this LJ and expects me to, you know, act like she raised me.  But I will *totally* think really nasty thoughts and aim them in your general direction. 

It is like... well. Yeah - it is like family. This is not to say I am incapable of having a serious discussion about some very serious issues. You wanna talk about homophobia and mysogyny as related to gansta rap? Be my guest - I have a lot of ideas I am totally down with sharing (actually - there are some posts I should hunt up and tag about Eminem and kadymae making extremely astute observations about the use of the unreliable narrator as a literary device and the entire persona of "Slim Shady" - that was GREAT stuff). Just be prepared to actually *discuss* this issue with things that you have observed, not just talking points that you read in a magazine. Because guess what? You might not know everything about a genre you refuse to listen to. Just a thought.  I got off-track.

This post also isn't here to complain about feedback that says "I hate the song, love the vid" because man - I really really do (I can't stress this enough) appreciate the fact that someone told me how they felt.  Yeah - for a second I'll be sad (and possibly trying to pimp you to such-and-such album in the comments) but I'll shake it off and focus on the "love the vid" part. I swear I will, I've had a ton of practice at this and I *get* why the comment often leads with the negative. The viewer opens a vid, watches for a moment. Thinks "I hate this song" and continues watching. Looks up a while later and realizes that they are *still* watching and yet... they hate this song! This is important! This is news to share! I totally get that.  I wish you didn't hate the song I love like a sister, but you know - I also *know* my sisters. Sometimes they can be difficult to like.

We are all snowflakes or some other specialized human experience infinite genome thing - so it follows that what I love - you might not care for.  What you like,  I might not get.  I do think there has to be an effort at least toward understanding and appreciation beyond the immediately appealing glommed-reaction.  Sometimes you have to learn to like something....like opera. Or wine. Or Faulkner.  Sometimes you just *won't* like something. There is a certain type of music that is very popular with many of my friends and I can appreciate that this is well done. I can appreciate the artistic merits. I can even appreciate the craft and beauty inherant in this form of music. I just don't like it. It doesn't appeal to me and it doesn't touch my soul on its own (vids can bridge this dislike). I'm not gonna go buy CDs and stand in line for tickets (hell, I wouldn't stand in line for tickets to see Willie and Bob, hee. Man I want to go, though). This is fine.

Sometimes a song reminds us of a particular experience or time in our life and is off-putting because of this. Poor laurashapiro and debchan - I think I have told this story to them a thousand times, but when I was a kid, I was in the hospital and I had this fever dream with Dire Straits "Money for Nothing" running on repeat in my head. To this day the sound of Mark Knoffler's voice (while I grant that he is an extremely talented artist) has the power to viscerally remind me of the worst I have ever felt physically in my life. I was cold and they (mom and the nurses) kept pulling the blankets off me and I was hurting and they had this bright light shining on my face and I couldn't get away from it and I couldn't figure out what was going on enough to communicate anything to anyone. I remember a nurse saying something about an ice bath and I wanted to cry hearing that but I couldn't. And all the while, in the background, there is this voice that just keeps saying "I want my MTV" and ACK!

So for 15 years I avoided that song like the plague.  And then it became a Firefly vid by these ladies and DAMN! I liked it. I could listen to Dire Straits and not feel as if I might die.  Andthis was huge and I have babbled on about this at length because the song was now redeemed. FIFTEEN YEARS IN A FEVER DREAM, wiped out by one vid. This, this is the mark of a fantastic vid because it owned its song, not the other way around.  So I get the temptation to lead the commenting with "I hate this song but I loved this vid" I really do get that.

But what I really want to hear is "I thought I disliked this song/genre/artist but this vid gave me something to think about" because, man - that is fantastic.  So great. I'll probably go bust into the box of  "Not for Liz" and learn to do a cartwheel.