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sisabetThere is some kinda big to-do meeting here in my office today. From the looks of things - it is probably an agent meeting or something.
I peeked in the conference room when I came in. Damn, they get pastries. The Lexington office never provides breakfast - your lucky to get coffee. In Memphis, if they expected you to go to a meeting that started before 9am, they gave you Chik-Fil-A chicken bisquits. I used to turn my nose up at pastries and sniff "Is this all we get? Where are the chicken bisquits?"
Man, I want a danish. Maybe they'll put the ones they don't want in the breakroom after a while?
A big voiced dude just wandered into the breakroom a few minutes ago - my cubicle opens right into the room so I can hear him easily. Hell, if my cubicle had been on the other side of the building and 2 floors down I would have heard him.
He said that he didn't expect Howard Stern to live out the week. I immediately became intrigued cause I have a sick and morbid fascination with The Dead Pool and dude - *that* is a long story. One that I'll skip for once. So, I'm all listening and then he says that Howard Stern just called Bush an arrogant bastard on the air.
Gasp!
Shock!
Oh no he di'n't!! Howard talking trash about Bush?
I started to pipe up that Stern calling him an arrogant bastard was much better than what I called Bush just last night, but then I realized that no one likes the smart mouthed girl in cubicle A. Shut your mouth and get back to work.
So I did. Or actually, I went back to reading my personal email, since I was still pissed at the company for no longer giving me danishes. Then the big-voiced guy started preaching on about something -- and I mean literally preaching cause I heard Jesus brought into it. Now, poor Jesus - he gets brought into everything around here and even I am known to drag him along just outta sheer lazyness. I mean, he *is* a handy dandy all-purpose excuse: Why is something the way it is? Because Jesus wants it that way. Then you nod solemnly and keep your eyes wide open and don't blink. It wins many arguments here. If only I was joking.
So anyway he is going on and on about Jesus and apparently they are on very intimate terms, although to tell you the truth, I'm pretty tight with Jesus myself and I have never heard of this other guy. Not that I'd try to put words in Jesus's mouth or anything - I leave that task to the Southern Baptists. If this guy feels he has a friend in Jesus, than maybe he does. Oh - maybe he is hanging with Buddy Christ? Cause Buddy Christ is your pal, y'know.
Well apparently Jesus is really big on interpreting the Constitution for this guy. Man, see - my American History AP class in high school could have gone so much easier if only I had known that Jesus was a civics buff. Dude, "Cheating Off the Son of God" - I'd have written that song and it would be a Bluegrass hit and I wouldn't have to be sitting here now, avoiding my job. If only I had known! So anyway, Jesus told this guy that there is nothing about the separation of Church and State in the Constitution. Now, I don't wanna call Jesus a liar, and I don't want anyone else to do so either, so I will just quickly point out that apparently Jesus has never read The Bill of Rights. Or maybe he just hasn't mentioned that to this guy. Which is strange since I am fairly certain he knows all about the Right to Bear Arms. Or is it Bare Arms? Cause in the summertime in Memphis that is totally a God-Given Right. Sometimes certain things are so important you have to go over Jesus's head, if you know what I am saying.
Then the guy starts going on about the entire reason this country was founded was because the Pilgrims wanted to have a God-based government. Which, is a very creative intepretation of how the United States of America came into being. Here I thought the whole Pilgrim thing started a hundred years before the Declaration of Independence and the main instigator of the colonies wanting to become a separate entity from England was due to taxation without representation. Also - it is very good to know that the founding fathers were all Pilgrims. Now I can picture them in those cute little buckle hats when I mentally reflect on July 4, 1776 and trust me - everyone is 10% more adorable when put in a little Buckle Pilgrim Hat. This is a lesson that I learned watching children's Thanksgiving Plays. So cute.
::pictures Puppet Angel in a little Buckle Pilgrim Hat::
Oh, my!
Nice to know that Georgia was never part of the founding of this nation. Or maybe there were a lot more Pilgrims in Georgia than I ever knew. Seems to me that Darla was not a Pilgrim, she was a whore, but she was from Virginia and I think Virginia was probably all infested with Pilgrims. Darla probably would have been happier in Georgia with all the thieves and societal rejects, but I'm sure she made so much more money in Virgia with those Pilgrims. Kinda like how the Southern Baptists have their convention in New Orleans and that is the escort services busiest weekend of the year. It is like the sex-trade's version of the day after Thanksgiving shopping. And dude - see that analogy - how it all brings it back to the Pilgrims? Yes - circular is a good thing.
Now for a few disclaimers:
If you are Southern Baptist and I have offended you with this post, you should probably just unfriend me now, cause I don't get any better and I'm not especially sorry for picking on your sect. I've been picked on by plenty of SB's in the day so it all evens out, but I understand if you don't see it that way. But I'm still not sorry.
If you are Jesus and I have offended you with this post then stop pretending to be Jesus and leave me alone. Jesus loves me. Trust me. They wrote a song about it and everything, dude gets a kick out of my sense of humor, so get over it.
If you are a Pilgrim and feel I have mocked and reduced your religion to being nothing more than about a (extremely precious) buckle hat - then dude! Speak up! What are you doing reading LJ and come talk to me! I have never met a Pilgrim before (closest I came was watching the Angel episode "Somnambulist" and I can't help but wonder if Penn was an accurate reflection of an actual Pilgrim. Or rather, a Pilgrim in vampire form and really, isn't that just a wonderful concept? I heart my dead gay show). So, do you have a hat?
I peeked in the conference room when I came in. Damn, they get pastries. The Lexington office never provides breakfast - your lucky to get coffee. In Memphis, if they expected you to go to a meeting that started before 9am, they gave you Chik-Fil-A chicken bisquits. I used to turn my nose up at pastries and sniff "Is this all we get? Where are the chicken bisquits?"
Man, I want a danish. Maybe they'll put the ones they don't want in the breakroom after a while?
A big voiced dude just wandered into the breakroom a few minutes ago - my cubicle opens right into the room so I can hear him easily. Hell, if my cubicle had been on the other side of the building and 2 floors down I would have heard him.
He said that he didn't expect Howard Stern to live out the week. I immediately became intrigued cause I have a sick and morbid fascination with The Dead Pool and dude - *that* is a long story. One that I'll skip for once. So, I'm all listening and then he says that Howard Stern just called Bush an arrogant bastard on the air.
Gasp!
Shock!
Oh no he di'n't!! Howard talking trash about Bush?
I started to pipe up that Stern calling him an arrogant bastard was much better than what I called Bush just last night, but then I realized that no one likes the smart mouthed girl in cubicle A. Shut your mouth and get back to work.
So I did. Or actually, I went back to reading my personal email, since I was still pissed at the company for no longer giving me danishes. Then the big-voiced guy started preaching on about something -- and I mean literally preaching cause I heard Jesus brought into it. Now, poor Jesus - he gets brought into everything around here and even I am known to drag him along just outta sheer lazyness. I mean, he *is* a handy dandy all-purpose excuse: Why is something the way it is? Because Jesus wants it that way. Then you nod solemnly and keep your eyes wide open and don't blink. It wins many arguments here. If only I was joking.
So anyway he is going on and on about Jesus and apparently they are on very intimate terms, although to tell you the truth, I'm pretty tight with Jesus myself and I have never heard of this other guy. Not that I'd try to put words in Jesus's mouth or anything - I leave that task to the Southern Baptists. If this guy feels he has a friend in Jesus, than maybe he does. Oh - maybe he is hanging with Buddy Christ? Cause Buddy Christ is your pal, y'know.
Well apparently Jesus is really big on interpreting the Constitution for this guy. Man, see - my American History AP class in high school could have gone so much easier if only I had known that Jesus was a civics buff. Dude, "Cheating Off the Son of God" - I'd have written that song and it would be a Bluegrass hit and I wouldn't have to be sitting here now, avoiding my job. If only I had known! So anyway, Jesus told this guy that there is nothing about the separation of Church and State in the Constitution. Now, I don't wanna call Jesus a liar, and I don't want anyone else to do so either, so I will just quickly point out that apparently Jesus has never read The Bill of Rights. Or maybe he just hasn't mentioned that to this guy. Which is strange since I am fairly certain he knows all about the Right to Bear Arms. Or is it Bare Arms? Cause in the summertime in Memphis that is totally a God-Given Right. Sometimes certain things are so important you have to go over Jesus's head, if you know what I am saying.
Then the guy starts going on about the entire reason this country was founded was because the Pilgrims wanted to have a God-based government. Which, is a very creative intepretation of how the United States of America came into being. Here I thought the whole Pilgrim thing started a hundred years before the Declaration of Independence and the main instigator of the colonies wanting to become a separate entity from England was due to taxation without representation. Also - it is very good to know that the founding fathers were all Pilgrims. Now I can picture them in those cute little buckle hats when I mentally reflect on July 4, 1776 and trust me - everyone is 10% more adorable when put in a little Buckle Pilgrim Hat. This is a lesson that I learned watching children's Thanksgiving Plays. So cute.
::pictures Puppet Angel in a little Buckle Pilgrim Hat::
Oh, my!
Nice to know that Georgia was never part of the founding of this nation. Or maybe there were a lot more Pilgrims in Georgia than I ever knew. Seems to me that Darla was not a Pilgrim, she was a whore, but she was from Virginia and I think Virginia was probably all infested with Pilgrims. Darla probably would have been happier in Georgia with all the thieves and societal rejects, but I'm sure she made so much more money in Virgia with those Pilgrims. Kinda like how the Southern Baptists have their convention in New Orleans and that is the escort services busiest weekend of the year. It is like the sex-trade's version of the day after Thanksgiving shopping. And dude - see that analogy - how it all brings it back to the Pilgrims? Yes - circular is a good thing.
Now for a few disclaimers:
If you are Southern Baptist and I have offended you with this post, you should probably just unfriend me now, cause I don't get any better and I'm not especially sorry for picking on your sect. I've been picked on by plenty of SB's in the day so it all evens out, but I understand if you don't see it that way. But I'm still not sorry.
If you are Jesus and I have offended you with this post then stop pretending to be Jesus and leave me alone. Jesus loves me. Trust me. They wrote a song about it and everything, dude gets a kick out of my sense of humor, so get over it.
If you are a Pilgrim and feel I have mocked and reduced your religion to being nothing more than about a (extremely precious) buckle hat - then dude! Speak up! What are you doing reading LJ and come talk to me! I have never met a Pilgrim before (closest I came was watching the Angel episode "Somnambulist" and I can't help but wonder if Penn was an accurate reflection of an actual Pilgrim. Or rather, a Pilgrim in vampire form and really, isn't that just a wonderful concept? I heart my dead gay show). So, do you have a hat?
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Date: 2004-03-11 09:23 am (UTC)You are obviously a witch, and when we find you, you will be PUNISHED!!! It's hellfire for you, missy.