(no subject)

[sisabet]

In honor of Marriage Protection Week, I think I should do something. See, I really don't want to be married. It's not something I hope for or strive toward or particularly desire on any given day. I could be married now. I've had the opportunity. But see - if I had been married, then in all likelihood, I would be divorced and that just doesn't seem really in the spirit of things. I felt by staying single, I was protecting Marriage. But apparently not, as I do not get a week endorsed by the President.

So I should have a husband, according to the leaders of my country. I'm a big freakin' failure as a good ole redblooded A-murican woman if I don't. I don't feel like a failure, but obviously this is the result of my brainwashing by the liberal media. I should have devoted all my brain cells instead to getting my information from Rush Limbaugh. There is one steady, stellar source for ya! A role-model for our times.

So, exactly how are marriages being endangered? Help me out, I don't see it. Am I endangering them by not partaking? Am I causing the extinction? Do I have that power?

Of course not, silly. The legal union of man and woman is being endangered by gay people. I mean it is so freaking obvious. Just like my right to vote is being endangered by people with cats. Just like my right to free speech is being endangered by contact lenses.

I mean, you let one fellow marry another fellow legally, and it will just be total chaos. Everyone will want to do it. Men will marry men and women will all marry other women and we will die as a species. I mean if you let every committed couple enjoy the same rights, equally under the law, well you are just scoffing in the face of marriage. Marriage is not about commitment or love or sharing one's life - it is about going on a television show and competing with other airheads for the honor of marrying the guy that gets to whittle ya'll down week by week. I mean, if you let everyone get married, then you are just disrespecting Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee. No wonder those two kids couldn't make it. Also, there will be more teen pregnancy. Marriage must be protected so there will be less teen pregnancy. And illiteracy. Yes! If you don't marry a man - you will forget how to read. It's a fact. And it makes baby Rush cry. And abuse prescription pain pills.

Fuck - I don't want a husband. But I love to read. And I do not want to be a pregnant teen. I mean, the choice it clear. Marry for America. Do it for Pam and Tommy Lee!

Comments

[coffeeandink.livejournal.com]

See, this is why if I'd filled out the Secret Crush meme, you'd so be on my list.

[elke-tanzer.livejournal.com]

As a divorced woman with a cat who cannot wear contact lenses in Los Angeles... I blame being able to read.

:-D

[velena.livejournal.com]

Yes! If you don't marry a man - you will forget how to read.

*snerk*

I'd comment on the rest of the post, but I seem to have become illiterate.

[stakebait.livejournal.com]

Just like my right to free speech is being endangered by contact lenses.

I love you. Just so you know.

Mer

[hecatehatesthat.livejournal.com]

I heart you.

I might have to print this out and put it up where I can read it all the time, as a reminder that I need to hurry up and find a husband so I will continue to be able to read this, and my porn, all the time. Don't cry, baby Rush. I have seen the light.

And something really must be done about those people with cats.

[heresluck]

The legal union of man and woman is being endangered by gay people. I mean it is so freaking obvious. Just like my right to vote is being endangered by people with cats.

I love you. Also, I need an icon: obstructing marriage and endangering voting since 1995!

You need to write letters to the editor

[aexia.livejournal.com]

The legal union of man and woman is being endangered by gay people. I mean it is so freaking obvious. Just like my right to vote is being endangered by people with cats.

And you must include these words in it. It's obvious, isn't it?

(That you need to write the letters I mean.)

Re: You need to write letters to the editor

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

I never, ever thought of doing that. I mean - that is something grownups do - right? Write letters to the editor?

*Ponders*

Re: You need to write letters to the editor

[mecurtin.livejournal.com]

Not just grownups -- real people (http://www.livejournal.com/users/mecurtin/57434.html)! Yes, you can do it too.

[missmurchison.livejournal.com]

Trying to get caught up on LJ, and I saw this.

My dear Sisabet, thank you so much for explaining this to me. Why, just this week I was talking with a guy who's moved into a new house with his partner of many years, and I was foolishly thinking that he and I have a lot in common, what with both of us being in long-term relationships and growing the same herbs in our gardens and stuff. I now realize that he is seriously endangering my marriage and that I must abhor the fact that he's in love with another guy and that they share disgusting activities like birdwatching and supporting environmental causes. I should probably point this out to his family too, since they're so foolishly fond of his partner.

And as soon as I figure out just how this is endangering my own marriage, I will, of course, take Further Steps.

And I'm sure it's having a detrimental effect on my kids. There can be no other explanation for the fact that yesterday my daughter accused me of being a perv. She found it shocking that I found heterosexual subtext in Smallville. Clearly, it's all the fault of gay marriage.

[jonquil.livejournal.com]

Well spoke, well spoke.

In the immortal words of the bumpersticker:
Focus on your own damn family.

[owlrigh.livejournal.com]

Only single women would forget how to read? If a woman is married then she's got her husband to do all her thinking for her, so she doesn't need to know how to read, either! Especially not all those big hard words. Things like "bread" and "sugar" and "coffee" so she can read her shopping list or read a cookbook are good enough, I'm sure!

... I must get a sex change immediately.