My Tremendous Suffering

[sisabet]

I went to a real-live adult doctor type person yesterday and got a real live adult diagnosis. This is compared to me normally going to Dawn and asking, "What is this?" and Dawn going, "Maybe it's ___" and me responding, "Y'think?" and Dawn stating, "Actually, no. I don't know. I am not an adult doctor. Cheapass. Your co-pay is $20. Go see a doctor."

So I did. I have capillaritis. Which means that the brownish/red splotches on my legs that won't go away are actually caused by leaky capillaries. Ohhh. Glamourous, I know. Apparently I have some venous instability, but it is nothing to worry about. Totally benign. Oh - now there is nothing to be done about those hideous splotches either - they might fade in time. Good luck with that!

I've actually had this before when I was 13 - unusual to have it that young and the spots went away in a few months but it was very traumatic as I wanted to wear a skort to the 8th grade dance (shut-up! skorts were cool) and I was extremely self-concious about my legs. I didn't know it was called capillaritis - just that my capillaries were leaking. Again, this is the most glamourous thing evah!

So - just to be safe the doc does a biopsy - of all the lesions covering both of my legs, he picks one located on my upper thigh a few inches below my derriere. I mean - I sit there! Silly doc - now it hurts to sit, I have to lean. The nurse was explaining how I am to care for the stitch used to close the biopsy site and I'm all - "But I can't see it!" and she is all "Sure you can!" and I'm all, "No - there is ass in the way."

Actually I never said that - I just said, "Um, okay." and left to go to the lab for the bloodwork. There was ass in the way, but I don't think she would believe me. Plus - I have mirrors. Technology people. Technology.

Now all that remains to be seen is who will play me in the Lifetime Movie... I think Lindsey Wagner is probably too old, but I'd go with her if I could be the Bionic Woman with Capillaritis.

Comments

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

::Hugs you::

Hopefully your ass will cooperate. :-)

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

My ass is all "But, baby got back!" and then it proceeds to "break it down" - which is to be expected as it has never once cooperated with me on any given subject. I think it has a bad attitude. Or maybe my ass is just to wild for my own good?

[xanphibian.livejournal.com]

I would laugh, but I think it may be rude to snicker at someone's ass.

Now I want to make my own "practically Jesus" icon.

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

Oh - laughing is fine - my ass knows that you are not laughing at it so much as laughing with it.

And there are more Practically Jesus Icons to share - rliz is very talented:

http://www.livejournal.com/users/sisabet/44376.html

Something to cheer up your...stitch

[(Anonymous)]

I think you like to read a lot. And I think you are a LotR fan. Here's the trailer for Return of the King. I hope it works for you. They were trying to have it taken down.

http://home.primus.c a/~liam3/video/728_r otk.mov

Re: Something to cheer up your...stitch

[(Anonymous)]

Sorry, links broke. I downloaded it though. Hmm...now how do I share it? :(

Re: Something to cheer up your...stitch

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much - my nephew is huge with the LotR love so I'll score big points with him.

[momentsintime.livejournal.com]

so sorry and hope the biospy goes well
and what is it with doctors, like we are thses twistie dolls that they see when they are watching their porn in between surgeries!

hey how about Stephanie Romanov to play you! and she would cut off that doctor's head to show him the ass in the way!

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

Aw but kj - the doctor was very cute and jokey and he did a full body check for moles since I am very fair and a melanoma risk - and that was nice...

I probably need a boyfriend.

[momentsintime.livejournal.com]

well in that case he can keep his head!

and yeah bfs are nice but batteries don't talk back!

[7spoons.livejournal.com]

Now all that remains to be seen is who will play me in the Lifetime Movie...

Hee! I think someone really beautiful should play you, like, Charisma Carpenter!--if she could re-grow her hair and make it all brown and shiny again. Just as long as they don't pick Meredith Baxter Birney or that chick who played "Jo" on Facts of Life.

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

At one point in my life my very favoritest movie in the world was "Poison Ivy" (I think - not the Drew Barrymore epic) starring Nancy McKeon and a lovable scamp named Michael J Fox as camp counselors. My movie tastes were undeveloped and quite sad. "Poison Ivy" was a replacement to my previously held favoritest movie "Super Fuzz" - about a goofy cop exposed to some kind of radiation that made him indestructible unless he saw the color red. Which meant that there could be no wacky buddy cross-overs with "Greatest American Hero" cause - y'know, red superhero uniform and all.

Don't mess with Jo!

[truthseekersara.livejournal.com]

Nancy McKeon rocks!
I think Drew Barrymore could play you. She'd be an adult pretending to be a high school girl. She'd date the coolest guy in school and wear skorts. Plus she would say things to the school nurse like "How am I supposed to look at that? My ass gets in the way..."

[elinora.livejournal.com]

Now all that remains to be seen is who will play me in the Lifetime Movie... I think Lindsey Wagner is probably too old, but I'd go with her if I could be the Bionic Woman with Capillaritis.


Valerie Bertinelli could play you, or Melissa Gilbert. She could have one of those 360 degree walk in mirrors to view the biopsy site. After a few weepy scenes she says the hell with it and wears her skort to the Inaugural Ball.

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

Dude - Laura Ingalls could so play me. Can I run through the wildflowers at the start of the movie? Could someone call me half-pint?

::stares at your icon::

[elinora.livejournal.com]

You can have the whole LH deal. You can be the sole survivor of a tragic June blizzard, you can befriend the slightly odd child with the disablilty who will never be seen again after that episode, but you can't ever beat up Nellie becuase she was my favorite.

I often stare at my icon myself, when I'm not licking the screen.

[valerie-z.livejournal.com]

Oh my god! I had the exact same problem! When I was eleven, I had this little splotch on my leg, and they told me it was just issues with blood vessels, and it would go away on it's own. And I was like, "No! I have to wear shorts to school!" Because I was a little ho, even back then.

We have the same disease! This means we're soulmates. Like Spike and Angel. Cause they both have clinical depression, what with the soul and everything.

I hope you get better soon. If not, I can always put hickeys all over your lower body, and then at least the marks will have a cool, sexual reason.

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

If not, I can always put hickeys all over your lower body, and then at least the marks will have a cool, sexual reason.

Sounds like a plan!

We are disease-ridden sole mates. I am waiting for your MRI results to diagnose my neck pain and radiation.

I also have clinical depression! So do you! We are soulmates with each other and Spike and Angel! What with our souls and all torturing us... this can only end in a way-sexy way.

[valerie-z.livejournal.com]

Ourcontagiousloveissopure.

[renenet.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry that you are leaking. :(

[caille.livejournal.com]

Capillaritis. Whoa. Are you sure you didn't catch it from young Cappy?

I am not sure who should star. If it were filmed in Canada (but it would have to pretend to be Kentucky or wherever the heck you are these days), you could get Sarah Polley to play you. She's weird, but she has done Canadian TV movies before. Plus she is a lovely young woman of practically no color.

http://celebs.absolutenow.com/sarah_polley/pictures/gallery1.html

But mostly I'm concerned with what music should accompany the dreamy, hypnotic "checking for moles" interlude.

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

Dammit Cappy!! She causes lesions. I'll have to have a talk with that young lady.

But mostly I'm concerned with what music should accompany the dreamy, hypnotic "checking for moles" interlude.


I've given serious thought to the song that should be playing and I have decided that "Lover's Split" by Broken Social Scene is totally the appropriate choice. I also want the checking for moles scene to fade in and out among window blinds and there to be soft golden lighted fast start movements that fade in and out...and also Justin and Brian to be there making up. Yes. I would watch that movie.

[gsyh.livejournal.com]

Boots, wear boots. Remember the awesome leather boots Buffy wore with her mini-skirts during Season One?

Or stockings and turlip dresses, some people actually look sexy in those, in a kinda classy kind of way.

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

Too hot for boots - But I'm the cool chick in pants so it's okay. I need to try to be cooler and make them gay pants but that is another topic entirely :)