Beyonce is MAGIC

[sisabet]

My life of late has not been all that bad. I am still in Work Hell and I suspect I will always be there as long as I stay where I am currently. Yes, yes - I KNOW you all told me this for a year and I was all "right, but..." and okay, the funniest thing of all is that it wasn't when there was a MAJOR scandal, or the most incredible stress I've ever been under or having my heart ripped out of my chest and shown to me, for me to get it: That this job is not gonna change or ever be a healthy expression for me. It took me spending ten minutes yesterday daydreaming about working in a cubicle as a car insurance adjuster and wondering if I could get on at Progressive.

Cause - dudes, that was totally soul crushing. And if my current job is so awful I daydream about the former job that was killing me? Um. We have big big problems here. Eventually, I'll do a flocked post about what actually happened at the job cause - it was awful. Or maybe I'll just tell whoevers interested and gets me drunk at Vividcon. One or the other.

So, now, as in the past, I turn to fandom to amuse and entertain and fandom. Oh, fandom. You just never dissappoint, do you? Seriously, there are tears in my eyes for the love. I mean, I usually have to wait for summer hiatus for BNF-wanking but SPN just likes to get shit done, yo. I wonder if it is too soon for Slash-Wank? I could get it started? Slash is evil and dirty and wrong and if you don't like it you are homophobic.

How's that? Let's discuss.

Oh - snippets of fannish/friendswithfen conversations I've had lately that amuse the hell out of me:


sisabet: Work sucks. I wanna get paid to not go in

renenet: when I am a millionaire, I will pay you to be my personal Liz
in charge of Liz-like things
for my Liz department
of Liz
on your income tax form, when it asks for occupation, you can write "Liz"

sisabet: oh man
you know what would really suck?
to be fired from overseeing the Liz Department

renenet: LOL

heresluck: that would suck. seems unlikely, though.



Here is a conversation where we are congratulating zen on finally watching SPN (cause dudes! This show was like, MADE FOR HER) and incest in the fandom and whatnot.


sisabet: *I* draw the line at incest
sisabet: I DO
sisabet: it is still my squick
sisabet: bullet proof squick
vagabondage: but?
sisabet: it is just...I am learning that it kind of turns me on to be squicked
fan_eunice: heeeeee
zen: lol
* eunice huggles liz
zen: thought so
* luminosity dies laughing
....
sisabet: sometimes I am reading a fic and Sam is inching closer to Dean and I am all "NOOOO" and covering my eyes, but I still manage to peek thru my fingers and watch and eventually it gets hot despite me.


Conversation today with renenet about how I felt all crappy after a negative interaction with this new person and then I was relieved because, well - see:

sisabet: but then I realized that she wasn't being mean to me on purpose.
sisabet: She does that to everyone
* renenet snorfles
renenet: yeah, you're not SPECIAL
sisabet: I am too special
sisabet: I am a SNOWFLAKE
sisabet: a beautiful vidding SNOWFLAKE


Finally - I have to say this: Sometimes life really sucks. On those days, sometimes if helps to go back and reread comments and/or recs and even the hopeless OTT recs that you know are just people being silly and funny and goofs - sometimes those feel really good. Oh hell - who am I kidding? Even on the bestest most fabulous day of your life, comments are like MANNA BABY. Recs are awesome!

Now, sometimes, occasionally, we've all been in a situation where everyone is excited about something that leaves you cold. It could be a story. It could be a vid. It could be a pairing. It could even be a horrible fandom of doom that you hates (and it will happen). If, when this happens, you feel a bit shitty or you just wanna stew in resentment or think catty thoughts or whatnot - that's fine. I've been at vid reviews where I am all "Huh" about something and feel like I am the only moron in the room who failed to make an emotional connection.

This is normal. Feeling excluded sucks, but it will pass. There will be another fandom, a new vid, a story you do like and possibly there will be a fic challenge for pairings you are totally into. Now - if it goes beyond anything temporary, if watching others engage in ridiculous amounts of squee that you don't share actually hurts you, this is a problem. It isn't fandom's fault and it also really isn't yours. You've got some deep pain going on there - and I hope you can work through it because while you are always going to sometimes feel excluded (and it is the whole feeling left out thing, isn't it, really?) because that happens in life and fandom is strangely life-like, it will so pass. It will pass and you'll again be enfolded in warmth and camaraderie. Because, again: Life. Things happen. Shit will pass. Everything is temporary.

As the Great Justin Timberlake once said: "What goes around, goes around, goes around comes all the way back around."

Right on Justin. Right the fuck on.

Comments

[way2busymom.livejournal.com]

Justin is a triple threat. Dean said so. I don't argue with Dean. Cause he's usually right. Just like Lum. *nods*

Work has a way of...well working out. When I got fired last year it was awful. And now? I'm at a job where they like me, they pay me to Google stuff & say thank you when I do it. Stragest place I've ever worked...And the former place of employment is currently in a soul sucking hell of badness & it is like some sort of wonder that I'm not there having to deal with it anymore.

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

See, I was having elaborate fantasies featuring Dean and Justin and a disco ball WAY BEFORE BUaBS and Tall Tales. I feel personally Kripke'd and it feels a little like validation. Oh yes. It does.

[way2busymom.livejournal.com]

Dean secretly sings JT songs in the shower when he knows Sammy has left to get coffee.

In my mind, the metallicar has one of those little disco balls hanging off the rear view mirror.

[maggiesox.livejournal.com]

Wait. There was WANK? And I MISSED IT?

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

It was not even wank - it was a baby wank. A teeny wank. A fledgling bird fallen out of the nest wank.

Actually - some 16 year old decided SPN isn't playing nicely and is in danger of becoming an economy fandom like SGA or HP and it is because people fawn over BNFs and should stop commenting on their fic. Only with poorly chosen phrases and personal attacks on people she designated BNFs. I was happy cause I am kinda new to the fandom and some of the people that were named were so awesome in their replies that I immediately said "Hell, I gotta go read this chick's shit!"

[maggiesox.livejournal.com]

Oh, man, I love dumbass teenage wank. It's the BEST POSSIBLE KIND.

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

You know what I love best about it all? They think everything is so brand new. They are the first person to ever feel this way! Truly! Their fandom is the first and best fandom and no other fandom was ever like this and now it is changing and OMG HORROR!

It. Is. Almost. Cute.

[maggiesox.livejournal.com]

Awww, yes. And they have the most specialest fandom and everything because it moves people to write stories and make icons and post tl;dr analyses of a half second pause and NO FANDOM EVER HAS DONE THAT EVER.

I mean, the Harry Potter fandom is like, the most adorable thing ever, because it is that, except CONSTANTLY because there are ALWAYS new thirteen year olds.

[liviapenn.livejournal.com]

OK, you're the first person I've seen repeat this phrase specifically, so let me just ask.

I don't understand what an economy fandom is. What is it?? Is it like an economy sized jar of peanut butter? Seriously. I have never heard this phrase before. What does it mean?

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

I actually have no idea what it means. SGA and HP were referred to as economy fandoms and I guess that means they are big? I've just amused myself all evening by pretending every SGA icon on my flist is zooming by, driving a Ford Festiva. It actually really works.

[liviapenn.livejournal.com]

Ah. And I guess that's a bad thing because, as we all know, everyone hates being in a big, active fandom? ^_^

[ficbyzee.livejournal.com]

Ha! We already had the slash wank weeks ago in comics fandom. We're ambitious like that. I think it's time for gen wank already! Or maybe punctuation wank.

[crazywritinfool.livejournal.com]

Ooo! Punctuation wank!! I actually KNOW where there's one of those going on. And I GOT INVOLVED!! lol

Yep, yep, all about commas, baby.

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

I saw punctuation wank just the other day!!! It was SGA, I think. It also had Spoiler Wank and Read the Goddamned FAQ wank.

I like it when my wanks do double duty. It is one of the benefits of being in an economy fandom.

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

Comics fandom is ALWAYS having a slash wank. It is not so much ambition as State of Being. I'm still pouting cause THEY KILLED MAH BOY and so yeah - I'm resisting it all over here. Stupid men and their sales...

[ficbyzee.livejournal.com]

True, true. It's reached an almost zen state, at this point.

And keep resisting, dude. My bitterness over comics has increased tenfold over the past few weeks, because I've found another fandom where all of my favorite characters aren't dead, and I--had forgotten what that was like. Man, it's like getting into a fantastic new relationship with the sweetest person on the planet after breaking up with a boyfriend who beats you.

[vonniek.livejournal.com]

This is normal. Feeling excluded sucks, but it will pass. There will be another fandom, a new vid, a story you do like and possibly there will be a fic challenge for pairings you are totally into. .... because that happens in life and fandom is strangely life-like, it will so pass. It will pass and you'll again be enfolded in warmth and camaraderie. Because, again: Life. Things happen. Shit will pass. Everything is temporary.

Miss Liz. You are wise. I feel like I should erect (heh, I said "erect"! /is 12) a bible tent so I could stand in the pulpit and point to those last few paragraphs and yell, "TESTIFY!" Because honestly, who hasn't felt like this? It's what you do with the resentment and the hurt that matters -- take a deep breath, and let it pass.

I'm sorry that the work is soul-crushing. There would be several sparkly drinks with your name on it come VVC time, I imagine, from me and from many other people. (Only five months! *starts the countdown calendar*)

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

I just - I saw someone post a comment on another journal about crying when she didn't get what other people were squeeing about and I felt like I needed to tell her that this kind of reaction is and isn't normal (the feelings? sure - but the overreaction and giving it more emotional weight than it deserves? not so adaptive) - but that isn't an indictment of her. Just that she might be going through some other stuff and... then I realized advice from strangers is rarely wanted and so I post here.

VVC! Yay!

[tnt-dynamite.livejournal.com]

The Wincest, it will reel you in, my dear. Just wait! LOL! *evil laugh* It gets everyone eventually ;) I used to be SO against incest & then Dean & Sam came along and YEAH that went bye bye fairly quickly :D Heehee!

You are a beautiful vidding snowflake. Never let anyone tell you differently. LOLOL!

Fandom wank sucks. Period.

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

The Wincest, it will reel you in, my dear.

Oh I am sooo in. I feel horrible and terrible and wrong and bad about it but I am so IN. Turns out shame is a major kink for me.

[tnt-dynamite.livejournal.com]

LOL! I told you in gets everybody eventually :D It's just too freakin' hot for it's own good.

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

Well, there was that whole Sam trying to kiss Dean in Playthings. And I know how Dean canonically deals with things Sam wants so...

Really, I like the incest because I don't feel any other characterization is valid. Yes. *cough* it is totally an intellectual exercise.

[tnt-dynamite.livejournal.com]

Yesssss, that was very nice ;) I have probably over-used that particular scene just a wee bit too much in my Wincest vidding. LOL!

Seriously, though, I can't help but consider the incest canon. Because of the life the two boys have lived & you just know Dean would do ANYTHING for Sam. They only have each other & the bond between them is stronger than most brother/brother bonds. I have a hard time seeing their relationship to one another as anything but Wincest. And Wincest to me means so much more than a romantic relationship between two brothers, the word has taken on a life of its own thanks to this fandom :D Anyway, I'll shut up now. I just get a little passionate about the subject :)

[dualbunny.livejournal.com]

But how do I know if I like enough slash to be safe from being a homophobic?!

::frets::

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

Here is the thing: I learned in a wank waaay back in '05 that you CAN NEVER like enough slash to keep from being homophobic. In fact, sometimes liking slash makes you worse than homophobic: you are objectifying and othering gay men. Or people who live in trailer parks. Or something. I forget, but I remember the wank went on for a very long time. Also something was pasted on, yay? Remember that?

All we can do is make vids, hang out, love on Sam cause he needs it and very possibly dance our asses off in the near future.

[gobi-rex.livejournal.com]

In fact, sometimes liking slash makes you worse than homophobic: you are objectifying and othering gay men.

LOLZ. Oh man, I forgot that one. [stupid bad memory] Yes, yes, it's all coming back to me now...

[missmurchison.livejournal.com]

Since you are one of the people who lured me over to the Slash Side, you are also guilty of corrupting the innocence of a major. Or something.

It took me spending ten minutes yesterday daydreaming about working in a cubicle as a car insurance adjuster and wondering if I could get on at Progressive.

Oh, honey, no! Get out as soon as you can. The next job may be just as horrible, but maybe it won't.

*still has not seen SPN but is sure nothing in the wank will surprise her*

[elke-tanzer.livejournal.com]

*twirls you*

You are the most specialest snowflake EVAR.