Beyonce is MAGIC

[sisabet]

My life of late has not been all that bad. I am still in Work Hell and I suspect I will always be there as long as I stay where I am currently. Yes, yes - I KNOW you all told me this for a year and I was all "right, but..." and okay, the funniest thing of all is that it wasn't when there was a MAJOR scandal, or the most incredible stress I've ever been under or having my heart ripped out of my chest and shown to me, for me to get it: That this job is not gonna change or ever be a healthy expression for me. It took me spending ten minutes yesterday daydreaming about working in a cubicle as a car insurance adjuster and wondering if I could get on at Progressive.

Cause - dudes, that was totally soul crushing. And if my current job is so awful I daydream about the former job that was killing me? Um. We have big big problems here. Eventually, I'll do a flocked post about what actually happened at the job cause - it was awful. Or maybe I'll just tell whoevers interested and gets me drunk at Vividcon. One or the other.

So, now, as in the past, I turn to fandom to amuse and entertain and fandom. Oh, fandom. You just never dissappoint, do you? Seriously, there are tears in my eyes for the love. I mean, I usually have to wait for summer hiatus for BNF-wanking but SPN just likes to get shit done, yo. I wonder if it is too soon for Slash-Wank? I could get it started? Slash is evil and dirty and wrong and if you don't like it you are homophobic.

How's that? Let's discuss.

Oh - snippets of fannish/friendswithfen conversations I've had lately that amuse the hell out of me:


sisabet: Work sucks. I wanna get paid to not go in

renenet: when I am a millionaire, I will pay you to be my personal Liz
in charge of Liz-like things
for my Liz department
of Liz
on your income tax form, when it asks for occupation, you can write "Liz"

sisabet: oh man
you know what would really suck?
to be fired from overseeing the Liz Department

renenet: LOL

heresluck: that would suck. seems unlikely, though.



Here is a conversation where we are congratulating zen on finally watching SPN (cause dudes! This show was like, MADE FOR HER) and incest in the fandom and whatnot.


sisabet: *I* draw the line at incest
sisabet: I DO
sisabet: it is still my squick
sisabet: bullet proof squick
vagabondage: but?
sisabet: it is just...I am learning that it kind of turns me on to be squicked
fan_eunice: heeeeee
zen: lol
* eunice huggles liz
zen: thought so
* luminosity dies laughing
....
sisabet: sometimes I am reading a fic and Sam is inching closer to Dean and I am all "NOOOO" and covering my eyes, but I still manage to peek thru my fingers and watch and eventually it gets hot despite me.


Conversation today with renenet about how I felt all crappy after a negative interaction with this new person and then I was relieved because, well - see:

sisabet: but then I realized that she wasn't being mean to me on purpose.
sisabet: She does that to everyone
* renenet snorfles
renenet: yeah, you're not SPECIAL
sisabet: I am too special
sisabet: I am a SNOWFLAKE
sisabet: a beautiful vidding SNOWFLAKE


Finally - I have to say this: Sometimes life really sucks. On those days, sometimes if helps to go back and reread comments and/or recs and even the hopeless OTT recs that you know are just people being silly and funny and goofs - sometimes those feel really good. Oh hell - who am I kidding? Even on the bestest most fabulous day of your life, comments are like MANNA BABY. Recs are awesome!

Now, sometimes, occasionally, we've all been in a situation where everyone is excited about something that leaves you cold. It could be a story. It could be a vid. It could be a pairing. It could even be a horrible fandom of doom that you hates (and it will happen). If, when this happens, you feel a bit shitty or you just wanna stew in resentment or think catty thoughts or whatnot - that's fine. I've been at vid reviews where I am all "Huh" about something and feel like I am the only moron in the room who failed to make an emotional connection.

This is normal. Feeling excluded sucks, but it will pass. There will be another fandom, a new vid, a story you do like and possibly there will be a fic challenge for pairings you are totally into. Now - if it goes beyond anything temporary, if watching others engage in ridiculous amounts of squee that you don't share actually hurts you, this is a problem. It isn't fandom's fault and it also really isn't yours. You've got some deep pain going on there - and I hope you can work through it because while you are always going to sometimes feel excluded (and it is the whole feeling left out thing, isn't it, really?) because that happens in life and fandom is strangely life-like, it will so pass. It will pass and you'll again be enfolded in warmth and camaraderie. Because, again: Life. Things happen. Shit will pass. Everything is temporary.

As the Great Justin Timberlake once said: "What goes around, goes around, goes around comes all the way back around."

Right on Justin. Right the fuck on.