I Love the Smell of Toner in the Morning*... I-Man Season 2, Or I'm Gonna Kill That Fucking Baby**

[sisabet]

So I'm watching S2 all the way through in order and the state of me is pretty much this:

1. I love Eberts
2. I adore Eberts
3. When can I have an Eberts of my very own? He goes with Puppet Angel. They sing duets together. In my head, it is a beautiful (and educational) thing.
4. Eberts!!!

Now that I got that out of my system, I do have this to say about the introduction of Alex Monroe: I was right - they are trying to Miss Parker her into the series. They even address her as Miss Monroe when clearly she is Special Agent Monroe or Agent Monroe. No one ever calls Bobby, Mr. Hobbes. No it is Agent Hobbes or Agent Fawkes or just their last names. So the only explanation for "Miss"ing Alex is they really have a hard on for Miss Parker. Except she isn't Miss Parker and even if she was - she wouldn't fit here. Darien is the Invisible Man - not the Pretender, which IMO is a very good thing.

So, I have Alex issues - I only like her when she is being nice to Bobby and that isn't very often and I could care less about her baby. Seriously, the baby-plot is boring and makes less sense then Scully and her baby. Also - why is it always babies? Is it cause the writers decide that women have uteruses and if they don't take advantage of the fact then they are missing out on a primo story-telling arc? Because - history shows us that they are just wrong - babies written into established shows rarely work and are almost always written out. Okay - let me make a clarification: established (past the first season) genre shows (and also Melrose Place).

Can you think of a kid that ever stuck around in baby form? Connor, William Scully, Xena got rid of babies through super-aging at least twice, um... Vincent and Catherine's kid on "Beauty and the Beast" and WTF was up with that? and I am certain there are more - OH!! Max and Tessa's kid on "Roswell" - even if the show hadn't been cancelled there was no way he was gonna be a teenage alien daddy - because who wants to watch that?

Babies just don't work on these shows except as a temporary plot device or for drama during a pregnancy. Actual babies are cute and helpless and boring as hell when you are battling the forces of evil, the apocolypse or trying to defend the planet. They get in the way. Ask Angel - he used to train to fight while holding Connor. I actually kind of liked that - it gave me a happy. But Dawn and I both agreed that Connor was such a sweet baby, that there would come a point when he was two or three where he would say or do something just so incredibly adorable that Angel would lose his soul in that moment. There really was no escaping it. So good thing Vampire Dad didn't raise the kid - in the long run. Well -actually, Connor was just fucked no matter what - and the wheres and the hows of what could have happened to Connor were pretty wide open except for one thing: there is no way he is staying a baby on that show. Either he is being given up for adoption, aged incredibly fast, kidnapped, or killed - no way are we watching a kid grow up. It just doesn't happen.

So you know this ahead of time, and if you are me, you watch the baby-scenes (well - except for Connor - I fell for him, but that was Angel's Baby so it was different) kinda bored cause it is all just killing time until the baby goes away. Why even bother? We know where it is going and why be predictable.

So this is why baby-plots bore me. I want to grab the people who make these decisions and shake them and ask if they have truly thought this through. These kids are just nothing more than pure angst-plot devices designed to make the lead cry or learn and grow ("Look at the Princess" anyone? Buellar?) and most of the time are never mentioned again.

Oh unless we get a "Heard about you giving up the baby, Scully. That must have sucked" from Mulder and then we get a weepy Scully, "Oh, Mulder, I thought you would be so angry!!" and I am not lying when I say to you - a small part of me died with that.

::so bitter::

I guess my deal is - keep the young'uns out of my shows unless you are prepared to do something different. Or make the kid evil, cause I always like that. Kids are kinda creepy anyway, so it really works for me.

I'm loosely quoting characters in the subject line, because I ran out of ideas for this post.
* Eberts!
** Rube -- "Dead Like Me"

Comments

[coffeeandink.livejournal.com]

You forgot V! The teenage pregnancy (with an alien father!) and then the incredibly growing baby. The mother was Robin, and then there were all these issues when she was jealous of her apparently-the-same-age daughter Elizabeth, who was, sadly, much prettier than her mother. I couldn't really blame Robin. I mean, usually women get to be older when this happens, so they can say, "Well, my daughter's prettier than I ever was, but thank God I'm not a teenager anymore," but no, poor Robin -- still a teenager, and her daughter was not only prettier but had weird superpowers, as all good alien babies should.

*sniff* My first alien pregnancy. Oh, the traumas of youth.

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

V is probably one of the deciding factors in my decision to not have children. Dude, so very scarred.

But it was also a mini-series. Mini-series have their own rules.

[coffeeandink.livejournal.com]

Are you sure? I thought the Elizabeth storyline was part of the ill-fated and increasingly awful regular series that launched after the miniseries.

If I weren't trying to be so much better about getting work done during working hours, I would be trying to track this down now.

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

You are so right - there was both the miniseries (the reason I shall never spawn) and a TV series and my brain, in what can only be called a defensive mechanism, grouped them both together.

[tzikeh.livejournal.com]

I love you so much that I hope both you and I get recruited by homosexuals and then we move to Vermont.

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

We should so be recruited. If I were a homosexual, and in the recruiting department, I'd want us.

[renenet.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'm on that committee, and your names are near the top of the list. But, shhhhhhh! — don't tell anyone I even confirmed that the department exists, because it's top sekrit and the gay agenda setters will be so pissed if word gets out before the launch date.

[heresluck]

I think it would be a lot simpler for sisabet to move to Chicago and then both of you can be recruited from there. I'd help. *g*

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

Aren't you already getting the toaster for "Superstar?" Are you going for Super!Recruiter status?

[heresluck]

Anything worth doing is worth doing well. Besides, I already have a toaster oven, a deep fryer, and a creme brulee torch. Now I'm angling for some really good knives, a second crepe pan, six one-cup ramekins, and, hell, how about a bigger kitchen while I'm at it?

Now I don't know whether to use my Faith icon or my food icon. ::ponders::

[par-avion.livejournal.com]

There was a super-aging baby who became a regular adult character on Earth: Final Conflict at the beginning of Season 2, and there was a baby who was Really A Bomb! on Cleopatra 2525. And yes, I do watch crappy genre progams. I've even been recording Cleo when it airs weekends on SciFi. It has Gina Torres!

I've always loved that Season One AtS episode where the kid is really evil...is that the same one where Angel gets chained to the bed? Good times.

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

When isn't Angel chained to his bed? Well - in the creepy evil soulless kid ep - the kid is - but in several other season one eps (Somnalbulist, Eternity) Angel is as he should be. Chained to the bed.

I love the creeptastic evil kid episode, "I've Got You Under My Skin" for many reasons, but mainly because Wes gets stabbed in the neck with a crucifix. This kind of stuff is like a gift, y'know?

I do cringe inside a bit while watching this ep, because it birthed so many Poor-Wes-Was-Abused-and-Let's-Have-Flashbacks fics, and I just - well I can't stand Victim!Wes. He cries. He flails. He wets his pants, and I can't abide him one tiny bit. I like my men damaged and repressing. It's a thing.

[wordsleadmeon.livejournal.com]

Random bit of Trivia? Baby Connor? Same baby as Baby Zan (Max and Tess's baby) on Roswell. (Yeah, I have far too much completely useless info in this brain.)

As far as babies staying babies on shows go...Not that I've really watched Charmed very frequently this year, but I believe Wyatt, Piper and Leo's son, is still a baby.

But I can't think of another example in an hour long format...a few sitcoms...but thats all.

[linzeestyle.livejournal.com]

Totally butting in, but...

That really explains my love of Baby Connor. Yes, he was doomed to go away reallyreally fast, but he was adorable. I was also in love with Baby Zan, and didn't even actually watch Roswell. I feel all vindicated now - my love of Zan and Connor isn't a sign I'm slowly becoming a pile of baby-loving mush, it's the evil pull of that one baby. Yes, that's it.

I feel like I should be embrassed for admitting that, now.

Linzee, who spent all of the last season of XF waiting for the plot device William to go away...that redeems me, right? Right?

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

I, too, loved that damn baby Connor. He was a special child. Also, quite adorable. If I was exposed to Baby Connors on a regular basis, I might want one. Kinda like when I hang out at Circuit City and want a hi def TV even though I have a perfectly servicible television at home.

[wordsleadmeon.livejournal.com]

Don't worry about the butting in thing...really don't mind.

LOL...yeah, it's not so bad when it's techically the same baby, I think. Although, god, feel sorry for that kid...one show he's the fully human baby of two Alien hybrids, and another he's the freaky-should-be-impossible offspring of two vampires...lol.

I think it does...though I must admit I bailed on X-Files when the show moved to LA and David Duchovny was making all those comments knocking Vancouver and the rain. He pissed me off (What? I'm from the West coast of BC myself. I was insulted.)

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

There is a baby on Charmed? Ack!

::bitter about Charmed::

[wordsleadmeon.livejournal.com]

I know...I know.

And I'll join you in the bitterness, even though I'm not sure of the exact modivation. It's just gotten so bad that I was glad Wonderfalls gave me the perfect excuse to bail (they air at the same time here in Canada). Drew Fuller's hot, but the bad writing, and nonexistant continuity is too much...Add the fact that it's coming back next year, and Angel isn't, and yeah...I owe someone at the WB a good beating, I think.

[kitkatbyte.livejournal.com]

Kids are kinda creepy anyway

::nods vigorously::