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sisabetSo here I am and I should be working but I just can't stop thinking about Angel and Wes and while not all of the blame can be laid at Lum's feet, let's just say that a good 30% of my obsession is directly related to "So Real" and the OMIGOD Wes's loveissopureandtrueandwhatthehellisgonnahappen? reaction I had when watching that video. So last night was our first clue and here is where I start wondering not about Wes, but about Angel and maybe a mention or two of Spike (and Brian Kinney), really just for seasoning - like Mrs. Dash...
Spoilers thru 5x01
Okay - so last season in "Awakenings" - the Indiana Jones Dream was "Awakenings" - right?
The thing that strikes me about that dream is how quick Angel was able to forgive Wes - it really only took an apology. That was it. And what gets me even more is that he wanted to forgive Wes - he wanted Wesley back - as he had been, at his side, fighting as a team. I don't know that there is a character that he has ever depended on more than Wes - potentially Cordelia, but that is extremely arguable. Wes is Angel's linch-pin and on his perfect day that is the relationship he has to repair first.
But the fact that he wants and needs Wes does not for a second alter any of what Wes did. And I believe Angel's anger toward Wes was justifiable to the umpteenth degree. The man took his child. Connor's life, in essence, was forfeit the moment Wes betrayed Angel. Even though he eventually returned to this dimension, it was too late. Nothing could have stopped the chain of events leading to "Home" - well actually, there are a lot of things that could have stopped it, but let's go with the Jasmine-predetermined destiny stuff we got last year, cause all that matters right now is what Angel believes and you better believe he gives credence to that. He aches to change things and alter destiny if possible - but I don't know if he can review the events from the point of Connor's return to his sacrifice and actively play what-if without going insane. So it is better to accept that they were pawns of the powers and manipulated to and fro, and once they were conscious of the puppet strings they broke them -- BUT--none of this changes the fact that Wesley is the one to put this plan into motion.
Now we have Angel as the only one who knows this. And the power of forgiveness in that man is just overwhelming. He loves that Wesley, yo. I don't care if you don't see the sexual - it can be love a brother if that is what you want to call it - but dude - that is Angel-love.
And you can see this incredibel ability to forgive in his reaction to Cordelia. I don't see any conflict there at all, any hidden resentment in his feelings for her. I think he let all that go and maybe the PTB and Jasmine and all that provided him with a handy-dandy blame bucket, but I don't know about that either.
I don't think that Angel is deep down a good man. I think he knows it, too and it plagues him. Ya wanna talk innate goodness, then talk about Spike and Brian Kinney and Wesley -they all have this goodness about their core beings - but I truly think Angel has to struggle to actively be good. He has to constantly monitor himself in order to be a champion (and dear Lord I said the "C" word) and find that appropriate reaction. Intellectually he knows what the ethical and moral response is most of the time and he struggles to find that in the gray and live it, because if he doesn't, there is hell to pay. No wonder he wandered for a hundred years coming to terms with his soul and no wonder he sometimes (and probably will again) go beige. You can trust Angel most of the time to do the right thing, but you better believe, inside, where it counts, that was not his first instinct. The man is a walking internal conflict and I love him for it.
So this forgiveness, this acceptance is even more astounding to me, because I don't see any self-convincing going on - this is purely motivated and maybe Angel is growing as a person. He's still damned, but maybe he is developing a bit of the inner goodness he so desperately craves - 'cause buddy, is he gonna need it. And don't think for a moment he doesn't recognize it in Spike and hate him (and himself - nothing new there, really) for it. Wes is good for Angel - and Angel realizes it, but I think Spike is also good for him as well on a completely different level and damn ya'll - I am trying on a OT3, but I just can't make it fit. Help me. Please.
Spoilers thru 5x01
Okay - so last season in "Awakenings" - the Indiana Jones Dream was "Awakenings" - right?
The thing that strikes me about that dream is how quick Angel was able to forgive Wes - it really only took an apology. That was it. And what gets me even more is that he wanted to forgive Wes - he wanted Wesley back - as he had been, at his side, fighting as a team. I don't know that there is a character that he has ever depended on more than Wes - potentially Cordelia, but that is extremely arguable. Wes is Angel's linch-pin and on his perfect day that is the relationship he has to repair first.
But the fact that he wants and needs Wes does not for a second alter any of what Wes did. And I believe Angel's anger toward Wes was justifiable to the umpteenth degree. The man took his child. Connor's life, in essence, was forfeit the moment Wes betrayed Angel. Even though he eventually returned to this dimension, it was too late. Nothing could have stopped the chain of events leading to "Home" - well actually, there are a lot of things that could have stopped it, but let's go with the Jasmine-predetermined destiny stuff we got last year, cause all that matters right now is what Angel believes and you better believe he gives credence to that. He aches to change things and alter destiny if possible - but I don't know if he can review the events from the point of Connor's return to his sacrifice and actively play what-if without going insane. So it is better to accept that they were pawns of the powers and manipulated to and fro, and once they were conscious of the puppet strings they broke them -- BUT--none of this changes the fact that Wesley is the one to put this plan into motion.
Now we have Angel as the only one who knows this. And the power of forgiveness in that man is just overwhelming. He loves that Wesley, yo. I don't care if you don't see the sexual - it can be love a brother if that is what you want to call it - but dude - that is Angel-love.
And you can see this incredibel ability to forgive in his reaction to Cordelia. I don't see any conflict there at all, any hidden resentment in his feelings for her. I think he let all that go and maybe the PTB and Jasmine and all that provided him with a handy-dandy blame bucket, but I don't know about that either.
I don't think that Angel is deep down a good man. I think he knows it, too and it plagues him. Ya wanna talk innate goodness, then talk about Spike and Brian Kinney and Wesley -they all have this goodness about their core beings - but I truly think Angel has to struggle to actively be good. He has to constantly monitor himself in order to be a champion (and dear Lord I said the "C" word) and find that appropriate reaction. Intellectually he knows what the ethical and moral response is most of the time and he struggles to find that in the gray and live it, because if he doesn't, there is hell to pay. No wonder he wandered for a hundred years coming to terms with his soul and no wonder he sometimes (and probably will again) go beige. You can trust Angel most of the time to do the right thing, but you better believe, inside, where it counts, that was not his first instinct. The man is a walking internal conflict and I love him for it.
So this forgiveness, this acceptance is even more astounding to me, because I don't see any self-convincing going on - this is purely motivated and maybe Angel is growing as a person. He's still damned, but maybe he is developing a bit of the inner goodness he so desperately craves - 'cause buddy, is he gonna need it. And don't think for a moment he doesn't recognize it in Spike and hate him (and himself - nothing new there, really) for it. Wes is good for Angel - and Angel realizes it, but I think Spike is also good for him as well on a completely different level and damn ya'll - I am trying on a OT3, but I just can't make it fit. Help me. Please.
