Deep Thoughts...

[sisabet]

So maybe I can think and entertain myself again. My head has been a busy place this morning and I am grateful about that.

I'm crediting sockkpuppett for letting me talk some things out, distracting me with season 5 Angel thoughts and encouraging me to just play with "Battleflag." I have no clear idea where it is going, but it is shaping into something - something quite different from where I was headed originally, but which feels much more real. If that makes any sense. None of what I have in the timeline currently works beyond a few seconds here and a few seconds there, but that is something. If all the seconds just line up and I get a full sequence that appeals, I think I'll just go into automatic mode and it will all fall into place. Which would be nice, as I immediately start freaking out that I will never be able to make a half-way decent vid again. Maybe I won't. I do think that I am stagnating stylistically - I watch "Superstar" and "Nightmares" and I think I should be doing so much more - I'm laying clips and it all looks well and good, but I should be advancing more - making the source my own - creating parallels and tying in unrelated scenes together - demonstrating the relatedness of the emotion/experience in clip A to clip B in some very cool way... I'm focused specifically on the razor cut sequence of Faith in the grave and then dancing in the club in "Superstar" and the clip of Cordy in front of Angelus's cage intercut with the white eyes in "Nightmares" - I should be doing that. Not that exactly, of course, but the elusive "that" those vids represent to me. The music in "Battleflag" does not want this static, clip A, then clip B then clip C approach that I am sandbagging it with. I don't want to vid like that and that may be one of my major beefs with "66" - aside from the Pure Sweet Love -- I really just laid clips down to represent the song. Not a lot of manipulation beyond image cropping. As a stress-relief project it was fine, but not artistically fulfilling. I'm also dissatisfied with the spinning movement at the front of the vid. It just does not work the way I wanted it too. It's fine and all - but in my head it could be much more. I just couldn't get what was in my head into Premiere. I need VVC.

eliade also had a post that made me think when I read it this morning about Eminem. The post was about RPS, but I tend to not focus on that - it was the Eminem-mention that grabbed me. It's strange - I am at turns excited, disturbed, entertained and provoked by his music - and I don't take that lightly. I think he is a very talented artist and I appreciate the rawness and the honesty behind his music - even when it offends me. Actually, I know on a basic level that some of the stuff should offend me. But it doesn't. It shocks me. Some of it saddens me - but I'm not offended. I suppose I am intrigued? Maybe... it reminds me of the time when I was fifteen and totally into Guns N Roses and my aunt, the scholar and a lovely, serious woman to boot, was concerned. Didn't the negative attitude toward women and the downright misogynistic lyrics offend me? How could I listen to it? And I had to tell her - no. It didn't. Hell - I'd sing along to "I Used to Love Her" and "Back Off Bitch" and have a helluva time doing it as well and that realization bugged me. Not the music, but the fact that I liked it and had no adverse reaction to the material.

I'm a feminist. I want equality and damn it, I just want to be treated as if my chromosomal make-up does not matter. If you want to see me on a rant get me started on the feminization of the "girl" athletic team names in school. For example; I went to college at the University of Kentucky. The mascot is the Wildcat. Easy enough, until you look at the women's basketball team and realize that they are the "Lady Kats (or Cats - been a while, forgive the errors)" - same with the University of Louisville - the Cardinals, right? Unless you are a "Lady Card" -- WTF is up with that? Are they afraid we will forget that the athletes on these teams do not have penises without the special names? Why can't they be the Wildcats or the Cardinals or hell take it back to high school where Dawn played varsity Basketball and was a Trojanette. What the hell is a Trojanette? I have the same sort of feelings about genderized words like actor/actress, waiter/waitress but I will stop now. No I won't - the lovely and powerful missmurchison sent me a link this morning that steamed me up as well (as I think she knew it would)- about the "Metrosexual" male - he is straight, but in touch with his feminine side - which according to the article means he cares about his appearance. Fuck. When did grooming become a strictly feminine trait? Why can't he be in touch with his narcissistic side instead?

But I made a sudden realization driving to work today. The fact that I enjoy music that is openly derogatory to women is not a contradiction to my being a feminist. I do not identify with the women in these songs on any level whatsoever. I never have. A buncha bimbette supermodels want to bitch-slap themselves around in "November Rain" - more power to them, but I don't get it and it is not me. I resent having to feel offended on their behalf because we share common genital features. Nuh uh. Not gonna do it. It's like that whole "Hunting Bambi" scam. Before the scam part was revealed, I was sickened that there are people out there that would want to do it, but I find it hard to work myself up into a feministic uproar because some silly people out there that would let themselves be shot with a paint gun while naked and there are silly people that would get their rocks off shooting a naked person. I felt bad on a human scale, but I don't feel my womanhood or ovarianness or whatever was in jepoardy because of this. Because it isn't me. It isn't me on any level. And I know all about how attitudes become pervasive and it could eventually effect me because I share a gender with these twits and yeah - that would get me up in a roar. Not because I think we should respect all people with a vagina equally. Hell, no - I don't respect those women at all. I don't. I don't respect the men involved either. Fuck gender - they're idiots and I don't like stupid.

So - I'm not really certain what I am trying to say here. But, I am having big, deep thoughts again that make kinda, sorta sense to me and that is a wonderful thing.

Comments

[thenyxie.livejournal.com]

I also love Eminem. I mean LOVE. As in his music, not his looks. In my youth I loved Guns n Roses (and still sometimes do), and I love tons of other rappers etc, with derogatory songs about women. They don't offend me either, because I'm NOT one of those women. Plus, there's a bit of a gimmick in putting out controversial work that has nothing to do with said artists' personal beliefs. A lot of times? I think these guys are having us on, joking, exaggerating, whatever. Whatever the case it doesn't offend me and I don't think it furthers bad attitude in others. Womens actions will speak for themselves. If some guy thinks all women are bitches and ho's, for instance, and then he meets one of substance and intelligence, well then, he may just have to change his outlook. Or, he may go to his grave a neanderthal. Either way does not hurt anyone else unless the guy is violent, or the girl cares what he thinks. And really, with a guy like that, why would they?

My two cents.

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

I like your two cents and raise ya a nickel.

I totally agree that more often than not the lyrics are meant rather tongue in cheek - they are deliberately provocative to do just that - provoke. And the stakes are continuously raised.

[luminosity]

I so get it! I do!

I love Eminem. I can't look at his stuff as even being misogynistic, because it doesn't threaten me. I'm, for once, secure in who I am, in my femaleness (I hesitate to say "femininity," but I know I have that in spades as well, and am happy with it) and its inherent power, and bitch-slappin''ho songs don't offend me so much as they entertain me. I think Eminem is a remarkable poet and performer, and more power to him.

Feminism. What is it really? Now? I feel that I'm a complete (compleat.. hee) feminist right this minute, you know? I'm comfortable in my identity and sexuality. Men don't make me feel powerless because only I can do that. And I reserve the right to be a woman. I read something by Robert Heinlein--one of his strong female characters was speaking on the subject, and I totally identified:

"I am strong for women's rights but was never taken in by unisex nonsense. I don't yearn to be equal; Sharpie is as unequal as possible, with all the perks and bonuses and special privileges that come from being one of the superior sex. If a man fails to hold a door for me, I fail to see him and step on his instep. I feel no shame in making lavish use of the strongest muscles, namely male ones (but my own strongest muscle is dedicated to the service of men -- noblesse oblige). I don't begrudge men one whit of their natural advantages as long as they respect mine. I am female and I like it that way."

And that, my friends, is your modern science-fiction literary quote of the day. :)

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

And see maybe I am working through to this point, for while I am okay with a man opening a door for me - I also open doors as well. I like give and I like take.

I'm also becoming more comfortable with femaleness - but I'm still determining what that means to me. I'm not like the women I typically saw portrayed on TV growing up - at that point and still to this day I tend to identify much more with male characters. I think it is that male characters are allowed to be strong - without it taking away from their maleness. It was expected. If he failed to live up to that expectation he was a failure. And unfortunately, it wasn't something equally expected of women characters - the Clarice Starlings and Ripleys were that much more startling in their deviation from the norm. That is why the BtVS final meant so much to me - these girls are allowed to be strong - not only that - they were expected to be strong. To be heroes.

[luminosity]

Yeah! I'm all about female empowerment! Wherever it comes from. And the door thing as well. Courtesy is courtesy, and I'm not beyond holding doors open.

I think it's just... being secure in your own strength, isn't it? Or not curling up into a mewling, helpless ball and wanting "someone else" to do it, whatever it is.

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

Yes! And if I do curl up into a mewling helpless ball it is not because I am a girl - it is because I am a wimp. And I should not be excused being a wimp based on sex. Or lack thereof.

[luminosity]

AMEN!

Wimping out. It's not just for little girls anymore! WIMP EQUALITY NOW!

Issues

[(Anonymous)]

Liz, you have anger issues...lol

Re: Issues

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

Okay, I most likely know you - but who are you? UCB?

I have a ton of issues. Anger is one of them. But not rage. I have no rage and mores the pity. Actually - my anger is becoming lesser with age as well.

One has to seriously ask? Why is Liz so angry? Answer: Not enough mosh pits as an adolescent. I shoulda gone to that Korn concert and seeing Rancid only once was a mistake. Ah, my misbegotton youth...

Re: Issues

[truthseekersara.livejournal.com]

I can assure you that it's not UCB. First of all, he's taking the bar exam this week and hasn't had time for frivolous LJ lurking. Second, I practically raised him and believe you me, the boy has got more sense than to say crap like that!!!
Also, UCB would identify who he is and never uses abbreviations like "LOL".

Re: Issues

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

Also, UCB would identify who he is and never uses abbreviations like "LOL".

I thought so - but being addressed as "Liz" threw me.

Re: Issues

[(Anonymous)]

Wow, you are really curious...btw, what is wrong with saying "lol" and pointing out pink elephants in the room???

Quotes of the day -

Spike: Oh bollocks. All the rubbish people keep sticking in my head, it's a wonder there's any room for my brain.

[Spike is chained to a bathtub]
Spike: I'll bloody kill you!
Buffy: What are you going to do, lick me to death?

Re: Issues

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

I don't know you in real life. That was what I was curious about - that a friend had stopped by and forgotten to sign. That's the only reason I leave the anonymous posting option available. I think I'm gonna make it so unsigned anonymous posts are deleted though - no offense to you, you are fine except for calling me by my real name and making me think you were UCB freaked out by bar-exam stress. I also then thought you might be D., but she would never use LOL and she certainly would not quote Something Blue. I don't think she knows what SB is - but we do have a running joke about anger issues - usually applied to an ex-bf. Then I kinda freaked that you were the ex - *he* would know to quote from S.B. *and* he knows about his own anger issues and the running joke, except he does not know my online name (I changed it) or where I live or any of that good stuff (due to the aforementioned anger issues - I like living, y'know) and I don't think he would expect to find me in the BtVS fandom and I don't think he would have the brain power necessary to deduce who I am in the fandom or any of that. But I can be as paranoid as the next shizotypal gal.

I also wondered if you were an ex-boss of mine playing a trick - but since I talked to him yesterday, I doubt it - but if it is you A. - then speak up more often - we'd love to hear from you.

I just realized that I share too much.

Re: Issues

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

See - I just thought of something - you could be J. - except he would pick different Spike quotes. Oh - but just the thought of J. posting in my LJ fills me with joy. Joy!!

I love him so.

Re: Issues

[(Anonymous)]

Just for the record...I had no idea what episode those quotes came from I just found them funny. I find it interesting that you do,...my level of Buffy fandom is at about a 4 on the knowledge scale, by comparison I would put your level at about a 10. I can make similar quotes with ST:TNG and Roswell. My friend T's knowledge would be at the same level as yours, but you don't know him either. I'll be sure to consult him for his opinion of that episode. I didn't mean to cause such a fuss over anything. I apologize for any umm...confusion or offensive statements. None were intended. btw, I am not an ex, but yes you do know me. I don't have an LJ is the primary reason why I'm anonymous, but it's also fun to be. But I may create an LJ soon. It's a good way to vent things. Hakuna Matata

Re: Issues

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

Eh, no offense taken at all - I *do* have anger issues - and this has proven to be a fairly entertaining exchange. Distracting at least. I think the issue with anonymous posting developed because I did have this troll posting in my LJ a while ago - and wouldn't sign his posts. Or her posts. Whoa - massive gender assumption there that the troll was a guy, no? And it wasn't so much that he/she was flaming me - I'm okay with the fire - it was the not signing the posts that drove me nuts. That is just rude. Really rude - be brave - go out there and flame and claim, y'know.

Anyhoo - I know you? I know you as in you hang out on WeBoB or Nummy Treat or I know you *know* you as in we were hanging at the Atomic last Friday night? Cause I got to say - other than my nephew, I know of no other real-life person that can quote *both* ST:NG or Roswell. And the spelling of your posts is much to good to be him (dyslexic kid). If I do know you in real-life give me a call and we can discuss the utter idiocy of making Tess evil. I hated that.

And hey - if ya want an LJ - I got codes. Oodles of codes. But first ya have to tell me who you are...

[heresluck]

Re: Superstar -- Keep in mind that most of the elements and intercuts you mentioned happened *very* late in the process of putting that vid together. I knew that I wanted to do the comparative stuff, but had no idea what that was going to entail exactly beyond the first chorus. I was having the same kind of thoughts you're describing here, and was getting sort of depressed about it, but just kept slogging away -- and then one day my brain just knew what to do. Let me know if you want to see an early version of Superstar so you can see what I mean...

Re: feminism and music -- I hear you on this. I don't listen to much explictly misogynist music, but my musical tastes were initially shaped by what I now recognize as implicitly sexist music . . . and every now and then I feel weird about that.

But I've also thought a lot about what exactly my problems are with sexist music (and images, and roles, etc), and have decided that the problem isn't that individual sexist songs/artists/whatever exist; the problem is that so often it's hard to find anything else. It's like Naomi Wolf said about images of super-thin women: if those images were only *one* type of image out of a broad range of representations of women and women's bodies, then their power to do damage would be seriously lessened.

I *do* have access to feminist music, feminist images, feminist responses to and interventions in pop culture. And I have the critical acumen to see misogyny for what it is, call it by name, laugh at it, and refuse to perpetuate it.

And so do you.

So we can enjoy what we enjoy, take what we need from it, and reject the parts that demean us -- and, of course, we can work towards making feminist music and art and ideas available to lots more people.

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

Keep in mind that most of the elements and intercuts you mentioned happened *very* late in the process of putting that vid together

I'm beginning to remember just that - as "Battleflag" comes together, secon by second - I am reminded that normally inspiration doesn't just fall out of my head onto the timeline. I hit vid farr with the last few (not including 66- that was vid-distraction) and I think everything should come as easily now. Vidding is work, fun work and fulfilling work, but work all the same and I just need to keep that in mind.

the problem is that so often it's hard to find anything else.

I find this extremely interesting and I think it applies to what Lum and I were discussing a few comments up from here - I identified with male characters growing up more than female because they were more like what I *wanted* to be. - Plus they had all the cool stuff.

I wonder about my musical tastes and that the majority of artists that I listen to on any given day are men. There are women artists that I like - don't get me wrong - and I discover more all the time (esp thanks to you)...but I seem to always find myself gravitating toward male voices. Perhaps this has to do with some kinda formative bias? Or maybe it is because there was a definite dearth of female artists that I listened to in high school and college - once I hit grunge rock, I had Luscious Jackson, L7 and Sonic Youth (and SY is kinda not except for Kim) and I really didn't like L.J. or L7 as much as other bands, but I felt obligated to listen to them because they were the female representation.

And now I am all tangential and stream of conciousness-y and really I should be working so I'll shut up now.

[heresluck]

I identified with male characters growing up more than female because they were more like what I *wanted* to be.

This was me, too, in a big way.

I seem to always find myself gravitating toward male voices.

I definitely listen to a lot more music-by-women than I used to, but I still default to a certain kind of alternaboy band that I first got into in early high school -- so, yeah, I think formative bias plays into it, at least for me. Until I got to college, I listened to almost *no* music by women -- probably fewer than ten female artists or female-fronted bands, out of the dozens and dozens of bands I listened to. There still aren't nearly enough women making the kind of music I most want to listen to. ::sigh:: Fortunately my musical tastes have expanded enough that I can get my female representation, as you put it, in other ways.

[magarettt.livejournal.com]

Your post reminds me of Eminem's battle by the lunch truck (8 Mile) in which he recognized the homosexuality of that guy (Paul? I think) and looked down on it, but then sort of defended Paul by putting the smackdown on the guy that had made fun of Paul's gayness ("You're the one with HIV.")

Maybe it's that we (you and I and all the other women who like Eminem) don't mind if Eminem speaks derogatorily about women as long as he does it better than anyone else. You know, with more edge and honesty than, say, LL Cool J or whoever. Smart and talented and different equals good for most of us, I think.

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

Paul was an interesting addition to 8 Mile and I would like to watch that scene again - also the scene toward the end where Paul works Rabbit's shift so he can go to the battle. Unfortunately, Dawn has loaned out our DVD.

Oh - I like LL - it's mainly nostalgia love though, I do have to admit. Plus - he has a nice voice. Too often in rap the voice is overlooked. It is very important to me - Em's voice is great, Ice T back in the day was fierce, Snoop probably has the best, ummmm...more thoughts but work calls...

[heresluck]

Mos Def, man. He can rap AND sing. :::fangirly sigh:::

[missmurchison.livejournal.com]

Sisabet,

I love you. Maybe I'll think of something more profound to add when I'm not tired, but that's what I feel compelled to say right now. Besides, there are more profound thoughts than I can absorb in this thread already.

And I wasn't trying to drive you crazy--I thought you'd find it funny and ridiculous and it might make up for my going on about rapes last night.

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

I did find it ridiculous - I was glas you sent it to me - I read it right as I was beginning to think about the gansta rap/heavy metal deal and it became one of the random pieces of clutter spinning around in my brain that morning.