Crying Over Spilled Milk

[sisabet]

I have two passes to see a preview of Elizabethtown tonight in Hamburg, and no one to go with. I've got co-workers who always say they want to go to the movies, but never do. Dawn has to work and The Boy is grounded. I know I know other people and I supposed I could make the effort of picking up my cell phone, but meh. It's Tuesday night - I'll go by myself.

Part of me is already cringing in advance over how the people from Kentucky will or will not be portrayed. Cameron Crowe seems really taken with our music, so here is hoping SmallTownKentucky does not equal IgnorantRedneckHicks who are merely an amusing background setting for our much more advanced and urbane Leads.

Not that E-Town isn't full of redneck hicks - it is, don't get me wrong. I just want some balance. Also, I don't find Orlando Bloom hot. I don't find him unattractive, I mean, if he asked me out I'd be all over that - I just don't get all "oooooh Orlando!" when I see him.

In other news: I am almost finished with a vid. This is a big, fucking deal. You have no idea. I'm also taken my new habit of feeling the sudden urge to burst into tears in stride. It's probably some kind of hormonal shift my body has to adjust to or just a side effect of stress and the crap this time of year always brings. It doesn't appear to be anything to worry about - it is just new.

And kind of neat. Like - I can sit and think about something and all of a sudden my thoughts will turn and I'll realize something and I will have to cry. And then I feel fine again. Or I'll be watching television and I'll see something and I'll have to cry and then it is over. It is like a little tiny five minute breakdown. I thought they were all hurricane related when it started but it hasn't stopped - if anything I can count on it being more regular.

And it isn't as if I don't ever cry, I do. I just usually save up a bunch of stuff and then have a big huge tantrum complete with sobs and snot and a nasty headache and exhaustion and snuffling. It ain't pretty. This is really different - it is like my emotional pressure valve broke and the slightest thing will cause me to choke up and it is like a little mini-whirlwind and then I take a deep breath and not only am I fine - I feel better.

And it is amazing the things that can cause these fits. Like, I was watching this nature documentary - episode one of "The Blue Planet" and there was this long drawn out scene where these sharks kill this gray whale calf and the mother whale mourns and she reminded me of Moya and I lost it. Then I was fine.

I saw a car that made me sad because the paint job was sloppy and I felt bad for the car and while I didn't actually cry this time, my throat started hurting. If I had kept thinking about it - what that car has gone through and how it got from there to here, I totally would have lost it. Thankfully, the light changed and I made a left turn away.

Just today I was thinking about something that exists only in my head. And I was talking to pipsqueaky last night and she said something that slid all these puzzle pieces into place about this character, that isn't even a fictional character I've swiped to play with - she isn't real at all - and she went from being this kinda, sorta caricature of an old college roommate, to being real and making sense and I started crying because what I had done in my head really hurt her. And I felt bad for her. Except she isn't real and in effect the only thing I have done is tell a story, to myself, that made me cry.

But for only a few minutes and then I was fine. I wonder if this just means I am getting more shallow? Cause I don't think it is gonna be possible for me to lose anymore depth, here. I'm pretty much just all surface anymore.

Comments

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

Remember when he wanted to get in good with Cordy again and so he bought her new clothes and Wes was all "Oh, I think she will surprise you blah, blah, blah Cordy-has-depth-now" except she totally fell for it and then Angel started bouncing in squee with her!!!

Remember that?

[luminosity]

Oh God yes! Remember when he came back to Wes and Cordy and Gunn and said that he wanted to work for them? I cried.

Ooh OOH! Remember when he *sang*? Remember when Illyria nearly exploded? sigh

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

Remember when he was trying to drive and couldn't get his cell to work right? Confounded by technology.

Remember how he acts all monkish and above it all and then turns out to be a total name-dropping whore? I love his petty, petty heart.

Remember how he is touched by lite-AM radio and sometimes eats donut boys and then drama queens out and lives in a sewer for twenty years eating rats? Mah boy has FLAIR!

[luminosity]

Remember his bad hair? and then his *good* hair? Remember when he saw dead Tina and then opened up a big ol' can of whupass on Russell Winters and all of his cronies? Remember "Can you fly?" He's so DRAMATIC!! Remember when he put his phone number in Lindsey's suit pocket? He's not shy. I luff him.

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

Remember his thing for convents? Remember his Daddy-Issues? Remember how he gets repeatedly burned with crosses?

He is *so* well-rounded.

[luminosity]

Remember when he told Spike that nothing was his and took Spike's "destiny," and then 100 years later, Spike did the same thing to him? Continuity, my friend, my friend. Remember his coat? Poetry in motion.

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

Remember when he smoked? And remember when he burned Drusilla and Darla? Remember when he asked Lorne to quit calling him pastries?

[luminosity]

OOH! Remember when he just couldn't bring himself to care and he locked all of the lawyers in with Dru and Darla? Remember when he rode that horse in Pylea? He's a pan-dimensional HUNK.

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

Remember how wistful he got when Lorne was describing how everything in Pylea is Black and White? He yearns for absolutes and lives in a world of gray! No wonder he snaps!

[luminosity]

Speaking of wistful, remember after Spike's hands were cut off, and they were talking, and Angel said that the girl was an innocent victim, and Spike said, yeah so were we once upon a time, and then Angel said once upon a time? Even he acknowledges his fairytale existence. Isn't that just so META? He's so meta.

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

And he can draw!

[luminosity]

Speaking of aesthetics-- one word: See-through shirt. Okay, that's two words, but still.

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

One word: Towel.

[luminosity]

One more word: Steam.

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

Not even a word: Mmmmmmm...

[luminosity]

....GUH

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

.

[luminosity]

[way2busymom.livejournal.com]

That's my icon!!!

Squee!!!

[crazywritinfool.livejournal.com]

I made that icon!!!

rofl.

[crazywritinfool.livejournal.com]

Oh, and remember when Wes was all, what about that bit where they thought we were gay, and Angel was all, adds mystery, but we all knew they were sneaking off to the office every night to rub peanut butter on each other...

[lorax.livejournal.com]

Best. Thread. Ever. I am so amused. And butting in with random unwanted opinions.

Remember when he could see in a mirror and wouldn't stop staring at himself? (just so this isn't completely gratuitous)

[thepouncer.livejournal.com]

Remember when he TURNED INTO A PUPPET!!!!

[nerdanel.livejournal.com]

And remember when the world became technicolor when Angel put on the Pink Helmet and held onto Wes?