Cable Company Math

[sisabet]

So I found out why my internet is down and it is due to the bill - apparently they suspend one in stages now a days so I will first lose my internet and then I will lose my ability to order movies and then I will lose the digital cable signal and *then* finally, I will lose all basic cable altogether.

It is so like a terrible afflicting disease that I cannot help but marvel at the thoroughness of the cable company. I complained when hearing the amount owed (which seemed to me to be surely 3 months of cable - maybe even 4) and was transferred to the one poor dude working the billing line. He assured me that I was, in fact, 2 months behind.

"I can't be," I whined. "I was in the office in November. I paid everything then, and I have a little note from the girl on that date saying that I was a good customer and paid my bill [I did not tell him the only reason I have said note, some would call it a receipt, is because I have yet to clean out my purse] and this is December. We haven't had 2 months for me to get behind. November-paid, December - not. One month."

"Yes, we have you in the computer as making a blah blah blah payment on November blah. November 25 thru December 25th is past due and you also now owe for December 25 through January 25th."

"But that hasn't happened yet."

"But you still owe for it."

"But I don't even know what is playing in January [this did not seem to be a good time to bring up the cancellation of Dead Like Me. Especially since I don't have Showtime]."

"Your cable bill is due a month in advance at a time."

"So *you* say, but the nice girl at the counter in November told me I was all paid up and if this is true then I paid December at that time. Since I did not pay December at that time [and lucky is his company that I keep lackidasical financial records or we might have something further to discuss] and now I am being told that I owe for January and December and it is still December but in November I apparently only owed for November and I am really confused. What are you wearing?"

*except I did not say the "what are you wearing" part, but that might have been fun. If this ever becomes an anecdote I tell at cocktail parties, I'll be certain to add that bit in*

"You did pay Novemember in November, but that was before the December bill was due. You owed the December bill in December and now the January bill is also due. Tomorrow is January."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Oh. So how much am I paying a month?"

"Blah, blah, blah and blah blah blah."

"You are kidding me!"

"No ma'am, I am not."

"I pay this much for TV and I don't even like TV."

"You pay blah blah blah for Broadband and blah blah blah for digital cable."

"How much would it be if I dropped the cable?"

"Blah blah blah."

"That is 4 dollars cheaper."

"Yes ma'am. You get a discount on your broadband for digital cable."

"So the only way for me to reduce my bill is to kill the broadband?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Ah, Bill. You've got me by the balls here."

"I'm sorry?"

"Nevermind. Thank you for your time."

"Thank you for using Blah Blah Blah cable company."


So there you have it. To all people in Telephone Customer Service I offer you my apologies. I never yelled at Bill although I do think my logic did not quite mesh with Cable Company logic. Also - I know Bill was really harried and distracted and possibly going out his mind - but we really could have had a fun time on this call. I had all sorts of leaders that I did not use because he was so very monotonical. Sigh.

I yearn for banter.

Comments

[saifai.livejournal.com]

Totally get your logic there. It's the main reason hubby won't let me use the phone when our bills are due. He's quite certain that a few of them charge us a $5 charge for every time they have to talk to me. *g*

Incidentally, I had the same thing happen to us once for the very same thing. Had about the same argument with them, since you guessed it, hubby wasn't home. LOL

[jebbypal]

This is the number one reason I waited to get dsl through the phone company rather than paying for it from cable. I can understand the phone company insisting you pay for your landline to include dsl, but paying the same amount for broadband alone as you would pay for cable alone?? Sorry Comcast, but until there is better fare on tv you are not going to suck me into "every american paying 120 dollars a month on their cable bill by 2010" plan. Uhuh. No how.

[piper47.livejournal.com]

::snickers::

I think you are getting screwed. It is very possible that you are getting screwed.

That sucks. ;)

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

You know - I would not care one whit if they were screwing me over if only the customer service guy would have bantered a teeny tiny bit with me.

Everyone gets to banter but me. I long for a Bungalow. Wait. I think I just mixed in inappropriate Izzard.

[luminosity]

GAH! I just commented on your other entry, asking what happened to your internet. Now I know. Well, FWIW, I've gone through the same thing with my long distance. We're supposed to be on this all-inclusive thing with AT&T for 49$/month, and somehow, every month, it ends up being, like, double that. I picked up the phone on Xmas Eve to call my mom, and I didn't have long distance! I still had local. I still had toll. I called AT&T, and after 40 minutes (No exaggeration) of punching buttons and probably giving their computer response a nervous breakdown, I got a real person. She told me how I was obviously not on the plan I had signed up for and she could fix that. I couldn't expect any sort of credit though, because even though they didn't move me to the $49/month system, I waited three months before I said anything. Well! I never would have known had I not run out of long distance, now would I? We hates them precious.

Can you get a piece of your cable back? Just a little bit? Just the internet part? I'm panicking here. I'm watching IMan and don't have anyone to scream at! BTW, I watched the Bigfoot one. BIA?? Good God. Can you turn your cable upside down or something and make it run backwards? Anything? Anything at all??

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

CALL ME FOR IMAN SQUEE - or anything really. I will go and find my phone and charge it and everything.

I have all of my cable - the first part to go is the internet. I still have everything else. It is weird. It is like they knew this would hurt me the most. Apparently it'll be a month before I lose it all - right now I am just suspended or restricted or something.

[luminosity]

You know? If they're going to kill you slowly, I think you should have a choice of method. First the phone. Then the TV. *THEN* the internet. And then they can pipe the carbon monoxide in, right?

They're a sadistic, hateful, gleeful bunch.

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

I don't even have a real phone. I can't decide if that is freeing or just pathetic.

[luminosity]

My vote goes to "freeing." I hate my phone. Maybe 2 calls out of 20 are real people that I'd like to talk to. The rest of it is overrun with "unknown callers" and "not provideds." Hell I don't want a phone too!! [whining again]

[glamsith.livejournal.com]

You know? I really feel for the people who work billing lines for communications companies. These companies set up deranged, draconian, possibly genuinely sadistic billing policies, and then throw these poor saps on the front line with no power to say "you're right, this is positively insane. I can see why your rage is being honed, let's see what we can do." And they don't even get combat pay.

And then I talk to one of them, and all that milk of human kindness gets turned into non-fat yogurt with a side of high butterfat indigestion. Maybe the people on those phones are the bet than can get for what they're willing to pay, or maybe they have to pay extra for employees with a sense of humor and/or imagination, or maybe new employees are sent through some sort of brain-washing program which leeches out personality and replaces it with an acceptance of company policy as their new personal savior. Or, perhaps, repeated exposure to Asshole Customer just eats the soul, and all customers become The One Asshole Customer in an assortment of disguises (like the trick-or-treaters that swap costumes in the bushes and come back to the good houses for seconds).

But however they end up that way, yes, the banterlessness does make the whole thing so much worse -- even if you don't have the power to undo the screwing I feel like I'm getting from your company, could you at least engage me in human dialog as one manifestation of free will stuck between a pair of trivial gear cogs in the Great Machine to another? Pretend that you appreciate how I'm not trying to eat your head b/c you don't have power over these things? kthx.

[qafhappy.livejournal.com]

I'd be willing to donate to the cause through PayPal. E-mail me off-list.

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

Aww - you are too sweet, but seriously, this is not a plea for assistance. I just need to note these moments in my life for posterity.

[qafhappy.livejournal.com]

Well, let me know if circumstances change, OK?

*wishes you the best*

[viciouswishes.livejournal.com]

My cable/broadband bill was upped $20 this month. Needless to say, when I get home, I'm canceling it and going with some local company for just internet, which is way cheaper.