Relationships are Hard and How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Premiere Show

I decided to play the Amazon Goldbox thingy today - the last time I fooled with it, it was offering me bread boxes and hoop earrings. Today it wanted to give me discounts on Buffy Season 4 and Daredevil vol 2 and Wilco.

Amazon really wants me to buy some Wilco. I feel like, in my relationship with Amazon, that we have hit that stage where it kind of knows me, but not nearly as well as it thinks it does. Amazon is all like "Oh! Farscape! She loves Farscape and Spiderman!" and yeah... yeah, I do like those things, I also like other things and so I try to help with the suggestions by telling it what I already own. Hey! I am trying - I am in this relationship as well and Amazon needs to know where I stand. I figure if I am able to communicate honestly with my web-based dvd/book/cd source, one day I might make the jump to a real-live human.

I just don't know if Amazon is really listening, though. It is like, to continue the dating analogy further, Amazon remembered I said something about adoring musicals and then showed up with tickets for the touring production of "Phantom of the Opera" and expected me to sit through that shit. Cause, dude - no. That is not what I meant. At least Amazon has finally quit telling me to buy Norah Jones.

In vidding and vividcon news:

This is the first year that I am attending VVC that I am not a bundle of nerves. I don't think I am stressed out at all!! I am just excited and part of that is because of Lum's Big Buffy Project and part of that is I am not sweating my panel and I don't have any looming deadlines. My premiere vid just needs some tweaking to go - it isn't The Great American vid, by any means, but it is the vid that I am proud of and represents what I learned last year. So YAY.

My first year at the con I was a wreck cause everything was new. Last year I was a wreck because I tried to do too much: a panel, VJing, auction vid, challenge vid, premiere vid - I was freaking out about everything and anything up and until the Dead Dog Panel and this year... not so much.

And it has nothing at all to do with levels of excitement. I cannot wait. I am stoked - and I am excited about my Premiere vid and I am excited about my panel and f1renze has proven to be the perfect collaborator on an Angel vid that I had hope of ever finishing - so I am *really* excited about that. Oh - and the auction vids this year... I cannot wait to see them and it is totally no pressure now and that is fantastic. Auction vidders: next year - you'll see. YAY!

I think a lot of it is that this is my third year at the con - so I am hitting my comfort zone as far as expectations. A lot is also about my attitude about my own vids and that is changing as well. I'm not as wrapped up in how they are received because really - one vid show is not gonna make or break me as a vidder. It can be well-received, it can be criticized or it can just be out there only to answered by the sound of crickets chirping: none of this has anything to do with why I am actually at the con.

I am at the con because I want to be surrounded by a bunch of other people who are all there to watch and talk and think about vids and vidding. I want to make jokes that are instantly *gotten* and I want to be in a room where the cry of "Render!" can reduce us all to giggles and sometimes PTSD-induced shakes. I want to watch vids and be wowed that I know these incredible women (and men!) who can do this and connect with me through visuals and music. This is powerful, powerful stuff.

I want to sit at breakfast and listen to alternate bitching about the coffee and about the Sci-Fi channel. I want to listen to two people have a conversation about their editing program and I only understand 3 words total out of the conversation. I want someone to pull me aside and show me a vid that they just *can't* finish/show/believe exists. I want to watch the Anime Pimpers spread out in a formation of digital-love as they begin their remarkably well-organized foray into grabbing us all and explaining once and for all what "yaoi" means. And why that guy has pink hair and is wearing a dress.

Also? Just because one dude is licking another dude's neck - that doesn't make it yaoi. That makes it Angel and Spike.

Ahem. There are many reasons I am there: the panels, the camaraderie, the entertainment, the sleep deprived sillies, and the Swimming Pool. What happens after my vid shows is really... well it is nothing compared to that.

So this year, I am pretty clear on how this works. And I am really looking forward to it.

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Message to rydra_wong: I am going to try to have something to you tonight. I am still too dazzled to figure out why I am in this state. This is a very good thing. We can also talk format, etc.

Frozen Caveman Lawyer. Or Vampire.

So herself_nyc just linked to a ficathon called "Scoobies In Space" and well, I feel this is a sign to share what has been happening in my head since I saw the "Serenity" trailer and then later watched The X-Files ep "Gethsemane"

Warning - just stream of conscious mental crack to follow.

Seriously. Crack. Silly. You will wish you never read this.

Also...if we are hanging out and suddenly I am just kinda sitting and lost in thought - this is probably what I am thinking of:

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Career Opportunity:

Would I like living in San Antonio?