Happy New Year. Now Grow Up.

Notice: My internet at home is down. I'm not certain exactly why it is down - last night it said it had come unplugged and then when I redid the connections and rebooted it said that there was a problem with the cable company. Now that I think about it - the last time I paid the cable bill was in November so I reckon they want December's payment. I don't think that is unreasonable at all. I still have full cable, though and I can still order inDemand movies and you'd think that would go out before my internet connection, but maybe they just know me really well?

I'd call customer service, but I'd feel stupid if they just wanted me to pay my bill cause - um. Oops. I was supposed to have a check to cover it by now - I got a letter in late November saying I'd get a reimbursement check in 3 weeks and so far I am still reimbursementless. So the bill has to wait. As does other stuff. EEP.

But then I'd feel stupid if, when they actually do come to cut the cable off, I could have had it all this time and I just didn't. The operative thing here, actually, would be to pay my bills on time so this stops happening. Of course, then my life would be an endless series of dull, predictable events like electricity and gas and communication with the outside world.

I am not a vampire with a soul on a mission of redemption. I am not even a classified government experiment now bound to act as a secret agent after a mixup involving a French-Swiss Terrorist and my super genius scientist brother and I am not now partnered with a man who packs around a book entitled "Lithium and You" and sees Canadian Terrorists in Mexico (and is right). Heck, my business manager did not leave the country with all of my earnings and now I am not forced to run a detective agency with a wacky, yet strangely attractive partner with whom I fight with constantly in very sexy ways. My planet did not explode and my birth-parents did not send me to Earth as a baby to be raised on a farm and I will not one day save the life of a bald yet brilliant man who, in a strange twist of fate, suffered a mutation in the same meteor shower that arrived with me and also will not provide weekly excitement as I tandemly do not discover that, hey, I have superpowers.


I have to seize my excitement where I can. Of course Angel pays his electric bill on time.

Cable Company Math

So I found out why my internet is down and it is due to the bill - apparently they suspend one in stages now a days so I will first lose my internet and then I will lose my ability to order movies and then I will lose the digital cable signal and *then* finally, I will lose all basic cable altogether.

It is so like a terrible afflicting disease that I cannot help but marvel at the thoroughness of the cable company. I complained when hearing the amount owed (which seemed to me to be surely 3 months of cable - maybe even 4) and was transferred to the one poor dude working the billing line. He assured me that I was, in fact, 2 months behind.

"I can't be," I whined. "I was in the office in November. I paid everything then, and I have a little note from the girl on that date saying that I was a good customer and paid my bill [I did not tell him the only reason I have said note, some would call it a receipt, is because I have yet to clean out my purse] and this is December. We haven't had 2 months for me to get behind. November-paid, December - not. One month."

"Yes, we have you in the computer as making a blah blah blah payment on November blah. November 25 thru December 25th is past due and you also now owe for December 25 through January 25th."

"But that hasn't happened yet."

"But you still owe for it."

"But I don't even know what is playing in January [this did not seem to be a good time to bring up the cancellation of Dead Like Me. Especially since I don't have Showtime]."

"Your cable bill is due a month in advance at a time."

"So *you* say, but the nice girl at the counter in November told me I was all paid up and if this is true then I paid December at that time. Since I did not pay December at that time [and lucky is his company that I keep lackidasical financial records or we might have something further to discuss] and now I am being told that I owe for January and December and it is still December but in November I apparently only owed for November and I am really confused. What are you wearing?"

*except I did not say the "what are you wearing" part, but that might have been fun. If this ever becomes an anecdote I tell at cocktail parties, I'll be certain to add that bit in*

"You did pay Novemember in November, but that was before the December bill was due. You owed the December bill in December and now the January bill is also due. Tomorrow is January."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Oh. So how much am I paying a month?"

"Blah, blah, blah and blah blah blah."

"You are kidding me!"

"No ma'am, I am not."

"I pay this much for TV and I don't even like TV."

"You pay blah blah blah for Broadband and blah blah blah for digital cable."

"How much would it be if I dropped the cable?"

"Blah blah blah."

"That is 4 dollars cheaper."

"Yes ma'am. You get a discount on your broadband for digital cable."

"So the only way for me to reduce my bill is to kill the broadband?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Ah, Bill. You've got me by the balls here."

"I'm sorry?"

"Nevermind. Thank you for your time."

"Thank you for using Blah Blah Blah cable company."


So there you have it. To all people in Telephone Customer Service I offer you my apologies. I never yelled at Bill although I do think my logic did not quite mesh with Cable Company logic. Also - I know Bill was really harried and distracted and possibly going out his mind - but we really could have had a fun time on this call. I had all sorts of leaders that I did not use because he was so very monotonical. Sigh.

I yearn for banter.

I Forgot to Comment on A Yuletide Story and Now I Cannot: Please Help

Bored. I can't read Yuletide because my work computer is filtered against it. I can't talk to customers on files I need to talk to customers on because of the two jerks that I had to deal with this morning and now I hate all living creatures great and small. Well, not baby animals. The Baby Animals can live.

What infuriates me the most? Damn jerks end up getting their way just because you want to get rid of them you bend over backwards to do what they want. It is positive reinforcement for negative behavior and no wonder he is an asshole. Being an asshole works.

I can't call other adjusters or vendors because the entire universe, except for us, is off work today. We have Monday off, which would be great except, now I don't have internet at home, why bother staying there?

I predict this is the weekend I get caught up on housework, paperwork, and also - all of those books piled by my bed.

I am officially the second to last person in the office. I am here to man phones and that is it and no one is calling because they don't think we are here.

I am so bored. Bored and alone. The other adjuster just asked if I was working cause she can hear me typing and I told her no, I was emailing my Mom.

So bored. There will be no fanfiction for tiny Liz this weekend. There will be no aim. There will be no big Moment of the Yuletide Reveal and SUPERSHIT! I forgot to comment on "Fish and Game". Crap!

Okay - someone do it for me -- go to yuletide and tell the writer of "Fish and Game" that I adored the story. I loved every moment of it - from the structure of the first person bits to the quotes she/he used for Darien and then! BOBBYHOBBES my friend.

And so I am going from memory here because I cannot access the story at work but the part where Darien says "Who says you are right outside? *I* say you are right outside" or something and that was just - I heard that in my head. That and it is so like Darien to get all philisophical about the nature of the booty call.

And then the whole exchange of Bobby telling Darien he was freakishly tall and Darien responding he was a freak between the sheets! Such. A. Dork. I adore them so. And a stepladder!

Then the banter and the carefulness and the cuddling and then my very favorite part where Bobby posits that he could probably just go to the Chief and say that "me and Fawkes , we are having the invisible sex" and The Official would probably just grunt and say, "not on the job, you're not" and that would be the end of it.

Oh, and Bobbyhobbes would think that a crystal punch bowl is nice. He would!

Well, I really like that. So - if someone could let the author of the story know that if I could access Yuletide, I'd post all of this to let her/him know but since I can't I'll just tell y'all.

Maybe I have commented on that story. I feel like I am forgetting to do something and it is I-man related and I remember actually commenting on "Control" and I think I broke something on Bas's LJ so it has to be "Fish and Game" unless I dreamed someone wrote fic last night. This would not be unusual for me to do.

God I am bored. I wish I could read Yuletide.

::tells co-worker bye::

And now we are Down to ONE! One lone adjuster in the office. Someone has to stay until 5 to answer any calls and that someone is somehow, always, without fail, me.

Well. It's not like I have plans. Wait. I do. It's not like I have *good* plans...