Saturday and My Computer is Punishing Me.

Okay - so I am getting ready to start a new vid. I am ripping a wave file from the CD - I have the vid all clipped and I create a new folder to dump everything into and all of a sudden my entire H-drive - well the entire contents of my H-drive - disappears. Gone. I can no longer see anything.

So I reboot.

Still gone.

And I know that this is just Microsoft fucking with me because the drive still says that it is pretty much full - that there is 213 gigs of shit on it - it is just I can no longer see it.

Neither can Virtual Dub or Premiere. The drive looks empty to them.

It isn't. I swear it isn't.

::hyperventillates::

I don't think I can stress enough that *everything* was on this drive. Is still on this drive. I need to be vidding right now - I'm freaking shaking. Gah.

As a test I created a new folder just to see if I could see it and I could. Then I went out of the window and jumped back in and the new folder was gone as well.

To say that I am freaking out would be the understatement of the year. It would be saying something along the lines of "I like chocolate" or "I don't care for Evanescence" - it would be like that.

And I still don't have internet at home so I am posting and checking this entry from Dawn's house.

Update on the Computer Crisis of Infinite Vid Loss

So - I did some things and some things were happening at my house involving a blue screen and corrupted files and something that was taking forever so I fled the scene for my own protection.

Still need to vid.

Still feeling really nervous and on edge. Dawn made me go to Barnes and Noble with her and she bought me a frappacino and a chocolate bar.

I didn't feel like reading so I huddled at the music station and listened to stuff and at some point some dude came by and totally tried to bogart my Steve Earle and I was all "Hey" and then I realized that I had no money and if I can't buy the extended release version of "Guitartown" I shouldn't try to prevent it in others and since I was listening to Manic Street Preachers at that time I should be gracious. But it was in my stack of music to scan and play. It looked so nice there, all cuddled up between Modest Mouse and Los Lonely Boys.

So now I am wondering if maybe it is the vid I was starting to make. Perhaps it is a sign from the Lord telling me to not vid Smallville (or season 5 Angel - that was on that drive as well). There was no Deadwood on that drive - if all my vid stuff is gone forever, then I'll just vid Deadwood and write fic. I'll write orginal fic - I'll write a novel! I'll learn to play the guitar and form a band called Narcoleptic Puppies and I'll dye my hair blue and quit my job and we will have a top ten hit with a song called "Dead to Me" which is totally formulaic girl-rock and while I will initially feel tons of shame for selling out, the drugs will ease the pain a bit. Then we'll tour for a summer, opening for Nick Lachey and really - a part of my soul will die - but I won't care cause I'll just drown that empty part of me in groupies. At some point, I'll wake up face down in something really disgusting and decide that it is time to get my shit together and that is when I will realize the reason I have no integrity as a musician is because I have absolutely no musical ability whatsoever.

It will be one of those "Fall out of a building, take an elevator to hell, and fuck Darla" moments.

Hopefully, by that point, Angel Season 5 will be out on DVDs and I can just go home and forget all this rock and roll nonsense.