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What are we on now - version 18? Are there two now? WHAT? HUH? HELP ME!!!!!
So when I was a kid - Supergirl was Kara Zor-el and that was that. She was blonde, she had big boobs, she flew around and other than really liking the movie staring Helen Slater (I WAS EIGHT! Wearing your bra on the outside of your sweater because you are an alien and don't know any better is the HEIGHT of comedy to an eight year old. Back off. I also liked SupaFuzz - he lost his powers when he saw the color red) I had no use for her. She was Clark's cousin and she came from this Cloud City or maybe I confused her with Lando Calrissian. That happened a lot as a child. My mother still mixes Star Trek/Star Wars (because they both start with Stars) and that can really affect a young impressionable mind.
Anyhoo - I saw little point to Supergirl - she just wasn't interesting and she wasn't Lois Lane, who was funny, and she wasn't Wonder Woman, who was Wonder Woman. She was...blonde and pretty and could fly. And then she did some stuff and died. And DC hit a giant reset button on everything and for many years I enjoyed Superman comics. And there was a Supergirl there eventually, but she wasn't really.
She was blonde and pretty and had big boobs and was all in love with Lex Luthor but she wasn't real. Or something. I think she was a shapeshifter made by an alternate reality Lex Luthor (who was GOOD!) in something called a pocket universe. The fact that I just wrote a sentence containing the phrase "pocket universe" and did not explode is a testament to the fact that I am a big ole geek. Now I could get all into the fact that she ended up sleeping with Lex Luthor II - the son of the now dead Lex Luthor - who turned out to be in fact, the original Lex Luthor in a cloned body, but that would be diverting me from my task. Which I think I stated in the subject line. Maybe. Huh.
So anyway - this Supergirl was also called - I think - Matrix. I think that because my mother used this hairspray called that at the same time and that stuff created big time Helmet Hair. Seriously - you want hair that will not move - ever - under penalty of law - buy Matrix Hair Spray. I remember always thinking of Supergirl and then hairspray (well after I giggled about Helen Slater putting her bra on over her sweater because inside I am small and that will never get old and I will always think of that first whenever Supergirl comes up. ::takes a moment to bask in the memory::).
Now - I think she died. I am not certain. See - Superman died and she was still around and I was still buying comics and she'd be in them. And then Superman came back from the dead and she actually shape-shifted to look like Clark so Superman could finds and "save" Clark Kent publically, thus keeping his secret identity, and I thought that was cool. Also - she was all hitting on Lois and trying to make Clark jealous while she was all Clark shaped and I liked that. They needed to do more of that.
But eventually various forces combined to cause me to no longer buy comics or keep up with them. Okay fine - Superman came back from the dead with a mullet and Batman was in a wheelchair and they were acting like this asshole I hated was gonna be the New Batman and Clark was talking about how he was gonna listen to that there Axel [sic] Rose and I am shallow and that is all it took.
And then Lum and Tzikeh and Snoo and I went to Slayage and ate at Noshville and stopped at The Great Escape and I swear to you I got sucked back in in very sneaky ways. I totally avoided all the Superman stuff. Well - fine - I looked at one of the trade paperbacks - maybe Trinity? But that was only for the pictures and cause I liked Wonder Woman's hair. I swear. But Dammit Joss Whedon was writing for X-Men and the first issue came out and I bought it and I read it and I swear it created this craving for more and that was fine while we were still in Nashville cause Tzikeh bought like every single Preacher Book ever and I was reading those and I was fine.
Stupid Joss Whedon writing for a stupid marvel comic...stupid pretty cover of Kingdom Come...stupid She-Hulk with the one-liners and kickass shoes...
::grumbles and is broke::
That was May? Now I have a list of comics I read on a monthly basis and stuff I just keep an eye on and
what the fuck is up with Supergirl? Cause I get that there is a lot that I missed between 1994 and now.
Here is what I think happened. So Peter David took over Supergirl and I think he merged this entity with this regular teen girl (maybe) and then he sent her into another dimension. Maybe? Did she exist? Did Lex's Little ShapeShifter bite the big one for real? Did she merge? What the hell happened?
Cause I am blithely reading some back issues of - shit I don't know - Action Comics? - from last year and now all the Superman books have the brilliant idea to not follow the same chronology because that doesn't create confusion - and this chick with short hair shows up calling Clark Daddy and says her name is Cir-el and she is from the future.
And my big question is does she know Bart Allen's mom? No - wait - my big question is huh? Cause I didn't really pay much attention to that storyline and then I am reading the whole Superman/Batman Public Enemies Trade this weekend and she shows up with Superboy to bust Superman out of the White House and I was all "Okay - so I guess this chick is the new Supergirl) and then I'm reading further in the run and all of a sudden the new Supergirl is Kara Zor-el from Krypton - maybe. Except Batman doesn't like her, but he is like Mikey - he hates everybody. And Superman acts all weird around her, but he is an alien freak and Krypto hates her and wait a second... I thought he gave Krypto to Superboy?
That Bastard. Poor Superboy is all needing guidance and help and Clark is pawning him off on his parents and giving the child a secret identity 11 years into the game (which in comic book time is about a year and a half but still - he didn't even have a freaking name for most of the nineties) and he gives the boy a dog and then he takes the dog back? Yes, I know you never asked to be cloned Clark - but take some responsibilty for what your DNA did. Poor kid can't even afford a t-shirt that doesn't have merchandising all over it. Oh - but Clark is all over this Kara - cause she is Kryptonian and shit. It's actually kinda creepy. I like it.
But what about that Cir-el chick? Didn't they do DNA testing on her and she was his kid? Where did she go? And when did Superman become the deadbeat dad of the universe? And what is all this "Kara is Kryptonian and I am not alone" bullshit he is spouting all of a sudden? Didn't he just team up with President Lex (fangirl giggle) to fight Zod a few years back? Wasn't Zod Kryptonian, too? Wasn't that, like a major problem? Or was Zod a clone? And even if someone is a clone - aren't they still people? And wouldn't his daughter be Kryptonian? And why is he all obsessed about Krypton now? Didn't he go on some wierd ass psychic trip there? Or was that on Lois and Clark? I am so confused.
OH - Smallville is on tonight!! Ten to one odds that someone is getting naked. I love Smallville. So much skin - so few clothes. And no Supergirl. Well - except for that girl in the season finale.
ARGGHHHHH!!!!
So when I was a kid - Supergirl was Kara Zor-el and that was that. She was blonde, she had big boobs, she flew around and other than really liking the movie staring Helen Slater (I WAS EIGHT! Wearing your bra on the outside of your sweater because you are an alien and don't know any better is the HEIGHT of comedy to an eight year old. Back off. I also liked SupaFuzz - he lost his powers when he saw the color red) I had no use for her. She was Clark's cousin and she came from this Cloud City or maybe I confused her with Lando Calrissian. That happened a lot as a child. My mother still mixes Star Trek/Star Wars (because they both start with Stars) and that can really affect a young impressionable mind.
Anyhoo - I saw little point to Supergirl - she just wasn't interesting and she wasn't Lois Lane, who was funny, and she wasn't Wonder Woman, who was Wonder Woman. She was...blonde and pretty and could fly. And then she did some stuff and died. And DC hit a giant reset button on everything and for many years I enjoyed Superman comics. And there was a Supergirl there eventually, but she wasn't really.
She was blonde and pretty and had big boobs and was all in love with Lex Luthor but she wasn't real. Or something. I think she was a shapeshifter made by an alternate reality Lex Luthor (who was GOOD!) in something called a pocket universe. The fact that I just wrote a sentence containing the phrase "pocket universe" and did not explode is a testament to the fact that I am a big ole geek. Now I could get all into the fact that she ended up sleeping with Lex Luthor II - the son of the now dead Lex Luthor - who turned out to be in fact, the original Lex Luthor in a cloned body, but that would be diverting me from my task. Which I think I stated in the subject line. Maybe. Huh.
So anyway - this Supergirl was also called - I think - Matrix. I think that because my mother used this hairspray called that at the same time and that stuff created big time Helmet Hair. Seriously - you want hair that will not move - ever - under penalty of law - buy Matrix Hair Spray. I remember always thinking of Supergirl and then hairspray (well after I giggled about Helen Slater putting her bra on over her sweater because inside I am small and that will never get old and I will always think of that first whenever Supergirl comes up. ::takes a moment to bask in the memory::).
Now - I think she died. I am not certain. See - Superman died and she was still around and I was still buying comics and she'd be in them. And then Superman came back from the dead and she actually shape-shifted to look like Clark so Superman could finds and "save" Clark Kent publically, thus keeping his secret identity, and I thought that was cool. Also - she was all hitting on Lois and trying to make Clark jealous while she was all Clark shaped and I liked that. They needed to do more of that.
But eventually various forces combined to cause me to no longer buy comics or keep up with them. Okay fine - Superman came back from the dead with a mullet and Batman was in a wheelchair and they were acting like this asshole I hated was gonna be the New Batman and Clark was talking about how he was gonna listen to that there Axel [sic] Rose and I am shallow and that is all it took.
And then Lum and Tzikeh and Snoo and I went to Slayage and ate at Noshville and stopped at The Great Escape and I swear to you I got sucked back in in very sneaky ways. I totally avoided all the Superman stuff. Well - fine - I looked at one of the trade paperbacks - maybe Trinity? But that was only for the pictures and cause I liked Wonder Woman's hair. I swear. But Dammit Joss Whedon was writing for X-Men and the first issue came out and I bought it and I read it and I swear it created this craving for more and that was fine while we were still in Nashville cause Tzikeh bought like every single Preacher Book ever and I was reading those and I was fine.
Stupid Joss Whedon writing for a stupid marvel comic...stupid pretty cover of Kingdom Come...stupid She-Hulk with the one-liners and kickass shoes...
::grumbles and is broke::
That was May? Now I have a list of comics I read on a monthly basis and stuff I just keep an eye on and
what the fuck is up with Supergirl? Cause I get that there is a lot that I missed between 1994 and now.
Here is what I think happened. So Peter David took over Supergirl and I think he merged this entity with this regular teen girl (maybe) and then he sent her into another dimension. Maybe? Did she exist? Did Lex's Little ShapeShifter bite the big one for real? Did she merge? What the hell happened?
Cause I am blithely reading some back issues of - shit I don't know - Action Comics? - from last year and now all the Superman books have the brilliant idea to not follow the same chronology because that doesn't create confusion - and this chick with short hair shows up calling Clark Daddy and says her name is Cir-el and she is from the future.
And my big question is does she know Bart Allen's mom? No - wait - my big question is huh? Cause I didn't really pay much attention to that storyline and then I am reading the whole Superman/Batman Public Enemies Trade this weekend and she shows up with Superboy to bust Superman out of the White House and I was all "Okay - so I guess this chick is the new Supergirl) and then I'm reading further in the run and all of a sudden the new Supergirl is Kara Zor-el from Krypton - maybe. Except Batman doesn't like her, but he is like Mikey - he hates everybody. And Superman acts all weird around her, but he is an alien freak and Krypto hates her and wait a second... I thought he gave Krypto to Superboy?
That Bastard. Poor Superboy is all needing guidance and help and Clark is pawning him off on his parents and giving the child a secret identity 11 years into the game (which in comic book time is about a year and a half but still - he didn't even have a freaking name for most of the nineties) and he gives the boy a dog and then he takes the dog back? Yes, I know you never asked to be cloned Clark - but take some responsibilty for what your DNA did. Poor kid can't even afford a t-shirt that doesn't have merchandising all over it. Oh - but Clark is all over this Kara - cause she is Kryptonian and shit. It's actually kinda creepy. I like it.
But what about that Cir-el chick? Didn't they do DNA testing on her and she was his kid? Where did she go? And when did Superman become the deadbeat dad of the universe? And what is all this "Kara is Kryptonian and I am not alone" bullshit he is spouting all of a sudden? Didn't he just team up with President Lex (fangirl giggle) to fight Zod a few years back? Wasn't Zod Kryptonian, too? Wasn't that, like a major problem? Or was Zod a clone? And even if someone is a clone - aren't they still people? And wouldn't his daughter be Kryptonian? And why is he all obsessed about Krypton now? Didn't he go on some wierd ass psychic trip there? Or was that on Lois and Clark? I am so confused.
OH - Smallville is on tonight!! Ten to one odds that someone is getting naked. I love Smallville. So much skin - so few clothes. And no Supergirl. Well - except for that girl in the season finale.
ARGGHHHHH!!!!
