(no subject)

[sisabet]

I should be working and now I remember why Vid Farr, for all the wonders it can hold, is actually not something I need to experience more than once every few months.

My concentration, which is normally a touch and go thing, is shot to hell right now. Everything is a distractor. Anything can cause a mind blip.

Lum and I are in a shared mental space right now. This is not unusual, typically I am like a remora, feeding off of her vid farr into my own. Seriously, if Lum quit vidding, I don't know what I would do. Possibly it would involve buttons.

What is unusual is that while normally it is quite possible for us to inhabit different stages in the process - yesterday I hit the dreaded #20 in the Cycle:

I suck. I want to go for the Big Emotion, and the only Big Emotion I can truly say I've created is... distaste.

And I think I spread it around. I was able to still, even within the immense sucking sounds work, (yay! normally the sucking sounds cause me to retreat to my bed!) and channeled my evening into manipulating gun shots. That is, clips featuring guns and not clips of people being shot. Or guns firing. Although...

But, I spread the suck-feeling around - in my defense, a great discussion on subtlety and vidding has arisen in Lum's LJ. Well - *I* think it is fascinating.

http://www.livejournal.com/users/sockkpuppett/227854.html

But god - vidding - even when it all is gelling and working and coming together is just exhausting and obsessive and fun, yet painful, and eventually, you hope - you get the reward of the vid you want. And unfortunately, I haven't been able to get that far in the process since Vividcon. I want vids! I do - I want specific vids that cater to my neural synapses and the only way I am going to get those vids is if I actually make them. It's not like fanfic where I can just beg and be pitiful and eventually valereix (::happy birthday!) takes pity on me and writes it for me. No, I have to make my own vids. Or get Lum to do them for me. Also - I am working on Killa. ::bats eyes:: But lately even when I try to make the vid I want, it just isn't a good vid. It does not satisfy that itch. It is not MY vid. It is like settling. But I have a good feeling right now and it is not a settling feeling, it is a "oh, I might like this one" feeling. But good lord it is a lot of mental work.

Comments

[permetaform]

I want vids! I do - I want specific vids that cater to my neural synapses and the only way I am going to get those vids is if I actually make them.

::covers eyes and grins wryly:: I think you've basically stated my vidding manifest riiiight there.

[killabeez.livejournal.com]

I could say a lot about your incredible gifts and skills and creative magic, but I know it doesn't necessarily help in this stage. Still, please know that I am just in awe of what you can do with pieces of video and a song, and even if I didn't know you at all, I would love you more than a little for the insights and feeling that you put into every one of them, because they turn my brain *on.*

{{{{hugs you a lot}}}}

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

THANK YOU!

And your ICON. Swoon. I am at the stage where I might stop listening to my vid song obsessively and I think I'm gonna hit some Emmylou. DEADWOOD!

[valerie-z.livejournal.com]

Thank you! And I must also give my appreciation for your fanfic ideas. Without you, I would've never thought seriously about fisting, and thinking about fisting frequently turned out to be a whole lot of fun.

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

I must think you - for without you I never ever would have thought that one of my favorite things in the world would be a wacky-sisting fic.

[kitkatbyte.livejournal.com]

Yes I too have not been in Vid Farr since Vividcon at all.. I've actually only been able to produce one mediocre vid since then. It has a lot to do with the type of mood I was in... sometimes you just aren't in the mood for vidding, you know? But I'm sitting on about 4 really interesting projects (all non-QaF) and want to finish a remaster I started awhile ago, so when I do get the urge, at least I have somewhere to direct it. Anyway, I can't wait to see the vid you are working on!!