Daily Angst. Like Daily Devotions only Less Holy

[sisabet]

I'm really trying to not focus on the whole "MY CAR MY CAR!!" thang, but dammit - I have this LJ cause I am too cheap for therapy and and and!!

MY CAR!!

warning: the following paragraph is stifling boring where I detail the damage to my car and pitfalls of the estimate and I apologize for it, but I really need to get this out. This will be the only paragraph I mention any of this -well for today.

So I went for estimates today and the damage is actually a lot more...damageier than I expected. I knew the parts would be expensive because this is a grand sport version and there aren't any aftermarket parts available - so we will have to go with OEM unless we can find a nearby crash part - which I am totally cool with using...but it does not look like there is one - but I haven't done a total system search. But the estimate was for $3k, so now I have to report this to my insurance cause I know she doesn't have $3k to pay out of pocket, but it sucks cause now I have to come up with my deductible and dammit - there will be a claim on my policy. And if I really wanted to pursue vengeance I could, but I am really trying to rise up above all that and fact of the matter is I feel sorry for her. I know I am gullible (but not naive - I *know* I am probably being snookered - I just can't help wanting to believe the lie). I'd work to not be so easily taken in, but I actually like that quality in me - it is one of the things that make me, me and to change that would probably involve a ton more bitterness and possibly some shiftiness of my own and I am bitter enough - dammit.

Also - I know I said I would keep to one paragraph for the car stuff - but that was getting too long so I had to break. Whew. Couldn't breathe with all those other sentences piling on top of me. Okay - enough with the bitching. This will work out. Somehow. Maybe.

I am also between a rock and something equally rocky at work. Turns out the job they have had me doing for months now - well when it is officially open - I am not qualified to fill it. While this has never stopped them from promoting me before - before was in the happy-go-lucky world of Memphis, where a smile and good attitude could get you very far. Here - this place is cutthroat. Like pirates only without the hot cabin stuff. Or hijinks. Or a code.

So, before I was trying to decide if I want the job (soooo much more work) and now I find out that it doesn't matter I am not getting it - but I should apply anyway to show interest (cause doing the job for three months apparently implies mild notice - PLAYGROUND RULES APPLY) but I won't get it.

So this takes the pressure off me to apply - but it also opens me up to disappointment cause even knowing I won't get it - the very process of applying opens me up to feel rejected. This is why I quit acting. Well, this and the fact that I wasn't that talented and I knew it and that led to horrible stage fright - but the whole rejection thing didn't exactly endear it as a calling to me either.

Well - that and I cannot say the word "blue" without an accent. Anything else - sure. Well, if I concentrate. Blue - I just can't say it any other way. I don't even *hear* the difference. Blue.

Not to mention the horrible catch-22 of not knowing if you want a job and then applying for it because you are certain you won't get it and then getting it and you don't want it.

And now that I have thought of it - I will not be happy with any other outcome other than being offered the job - because dammit - I want to be wanted. I want people knocking down my door because I am the coolest, the best, the smartest, the fastest and the most likely to leap litigation with a single bound. I'm none of those things in reality, but in my head I wear a Super!Adjuster costume and I come complete with rental cars on demand and accident reconstruction sight.

I don't want the job. Maybe I do. I don't know. If I think too much about my career I feel rather depressed. I wish I could write a book and sell it and make a lot of money - not because I think I could write a book or even that I have a story in me to tell or that I could get it published or any of those things - I'd just like to say that I am a writer and get to hang with other writers and then I could have a home office and it would overlook something (I haven't decided what) and there would be blue curtains in my home office and a globe and I would really like it there.

If I got the job, I might be able to afford a housekeeper once a week and that would be really nice. If I got the job I would be working all the time. If I got the job it would be challenging. If I got the job it would cut into my vidding. If I got the job I would get a better cubicle. If I got the job, I'd be able to actually travel/travel. If I got the job I would not have time to take a vacation.

If I got the job I could move up at a much faster pace. If I got the job I could move up at a much faster pace (I cannot decide if this is a positive or a negative).

I'm not getting the job. I don't even think I will apply. I am too freaked out right now.

Maybe the whole LJ instead of therapy is not such a great idea?

Comments

[f1renze.livejournal.com]

Uncanny: I was refreshing flist and thinking, "I wonder if there's a new sisabet post to brighten my afternoon," and there you were.

I didn't think I could say anything to help, and you were all anti-huggies and stuff, but I really am sorry about the accident. YOUR CAR!!

Well - that and I cannot say the word "blue" without an accent. Anything else - sure. Well, if I concentrate. Blue - I just can't say it any other way. I don't even *hear* the difference. Blue.

So dead here. Dare I ask for acting stories from previous life?

And the job thing. Wanting it or not, getting it or not, I hope your Super!Adjuster costume is red.

If I got the job I would not have time to take a vacation.

::lip quivers:: but...VVC 2005?

[luminosity]

[whiny comment post] YOUR CAR! Dammit I *heart* your car, and now its little fender's hurt, and I'm mad. Your "everything I'll ever need is on the steering wheel" steering wheel is what really stole my heart.

Gaining wisdom doesn't necessarily imply gaining bitterness. Do the smart thing in kindness. But do the smart thing, whatever that is.

See? this job thing? This is why I'm champing at the bit to drop Dr. G. Sure, it's more money. It's a LOT more money, like, THREE times as much money. BUT! The reason I work is in order to feed my vidding habit, and having so much work that I can't vid sort of defeats the purpose. As soon as I'm able to graciously tell him to go fuck himself, things'll be better. Instead of the way it is now. Like today. I'm so tired, and my carpal (mousal) tunnel hurts so much that I can't vid anything even if I wanted to. I wouldn't hurt like this if I weren't working 14 hours a day.

And yes, I died last night. Totally died.

[/whiny comment post]

Car Crap

[pukajen.livejournal.com]

In Nov of 2002 my car was in a hit and run, while parked in front of my house. $45 away from a write off, and even though I was/am covered for uninsured motorists, I still had to pay the damned deductible because I could neither prove, nor disprove, the status of the person's insurance who hit me.
June 2003, car was totaled by another hit and run. Only this time the guy is too drunk to drive away properly. Oh and he snapped off the front passenger side wheel.
Despite drunk!fuck -as he is known as- having insurance I still lost out on at least three gigs by not having a car. And even thought 21st century gave me settlement for my car that exceeded what I thought I was going to get by $1,000 I still ended up almost $3,000 in the hole getting a comparable replacement.

Re: Car Crap

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

yeah - it sucks. Nothing to be done about it though - if your car is a total loss and you don't have gap coverage and you are upside down, then you will be screwed - regardless of fault.

At least you have property damage uninsured motorist coverage (PDUM) -- KY does not and my collision deductible is $1000.00.

Now - as far as paying the deductible on PDUM - usually it is 200-250 bucks and can be waived only under certain conditions varying according to state (the most common one being that the uninsured motorist is known).

I assume you did not *qualify* to use PDUM and had to use Collision coverage instead (typically a larger deductible, usually $500 - although there are a lot of people, like me, who carry $1000D) for the repairs. In the case of a hit and run driver - I am unaware of ANY state that would not consider that person an unisured motorist -- especially if you filed an immediate police report and there was obvious contact with another vehicle. If this is the case - contact your insurance company in writing and request a reason your claim for PDUM was denied. If it is the case that PDUM was not denied - the deductible was not waived, then there really is nothning you can do about that.

Whatever you decide, I would hurry - I don't know your state but most PD statutes of limitations are only one to two years.

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

well - the steering wheel is fine. It is really only the lft rear corner. Apparently she hit me harder than I thought - the tail-lamp assembly is partially in the trunk and the quarterpanel is all frelled up!

But - the steering wheel is fine. Also - vidders always seem to notice the steering wheel. We all need radio controls constantly under our thumbs. THE POWER!!

And yes, I died last night. Totally died.

Thank God it was just you being dead. I thought I had scarred you into catatonia with my vid. Today I realized there must be Season 7 in it. SEASON 7!!! NOOOOOOOO

THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!!! THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING!!!!

[renenet.livejournal.com]

Oh, the Super!Adjuster costume totally has to be red. That's absolutely the way I pictured it. With gold boots and accents, including a gold S!A on the front. She could also wear it to vid Spike/Angel some more.

Also, there is a mask. Just over the eyes. It's gold. Her Cordelia hair looks so cute with this outfit.

[jackiekjono.livejournal.com]

But - YOU ARE A WRITER - and a very successful one.

You write all the time. You have a whole group of people waiting to bask in the glow of your humor and wisdom.

Writing for money might be a different kettle of fish. Lots of pressure. Lots of rejection.

But if you just want to hang out with other writers and listen to them say writerly things, you are way overqualified for that.

What would you need to do to qualify for the job you are in? Perhaps if you could show that you were taking steps toward additional certifications, they would take that into consideration.

[renenet.livejournal.com]

YOUR CAR!!! If you could sit in this one true chair, you would know comfort and your cares would melt away. I offer you my One True Chair of happiness.

With love,
r

[f1renze.livejournal.com]

Loving the gold touch. And the S!A could also stand for "Sisabet: It's all about Angel"

Bwah! Now I can't get the image of Liz vidding in the outfit out of my head!

...

Club Vivid 2005 gear?

Also?

[renenet.livejournal.com]

Gold, hip-hugger belt over red spandex. So cute!

Re: Also?

[f1renze.livejournal.com]

And a gold cape! Because she needs to fly.

Her posse should be the Ice Skating Cowboys, and her villain should be pointy Anime creatures.

What's her superpower?

Re: Also?

[jackiekjono.livejournal.com]

She knocks out bad guys with a flying eraserhead?

Re: Also?

[f1renze.livejournal.com]

Of course! I had "Seeing The Gay in everything" earlier, but we all do that already, so it's boring. This way she gets to kick serious ass.

::sigh:: I'm the only person who's never seen tzikeh perform the flying eraserheads.

Re: Also?

[renenet.livejournal.com]

She is "the coolest, the best, the smartest, the fastest and the most likely to leap litigation with a single bound." She "come[s] complete with rental cars on demand and accident reconstruction sight."

Rental cars on demand we can take care of on the gold, hip-hugger utility belt, but accident reconstruction sight is a superpower like Supermans's x-ray vision.

Other superpowers include the ability to mesmerize through storytelling and knowledge of all substances' suitability for use as lube.

Re: Also?

[jackiekjono.livejournal.com]

And a prehensile tail. All the best superheroes have them.

Re: Also?

[jackiekjono.livejournal.com]

Oh - and you know how Spidey has the webs that shoot out of his arms?

Super!Adjuster could have red tape.

[permetaform]

::hums:: y'know what you need?

funny monkeys!

also?

men rolling around in the sand!

=D gotta love the olympic slash, eh?

Re: Also?

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

Y'all make me smile.

Other superpowers include the ability to mesmerize through storytelling and knowledge of all substances' suitability for use as lube.

Hmmm - I think these are more skills than actual powers...

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

There is olympic slash??

Wait a second - the olympics are on?? I forgot all about it - what did I miss?

Re: Also?

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

You so know me.

Re: Also?

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

Yeah - the seeing the Gay is just cause we have, you know, eyes.

Not really a super-power.

Re: Also?

[jackiekjono.livejournal.com]

Yours would be the Red Tape of Justice - using your superior knowledgwe of bureaucratic strangeness to outfox thoser who would take advantage of those less-well informed. Perfect example - your advice to Pukajen.

[permetaform]

bruhaha in gymnastics, lots of water sports, narrow coverage and a so-so opening ceremony.

Oh. and tiny black speedoes.