I Apparently Need a Doctor
Oct. 8th, 2003 01:04 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sisabetI feel like I have a sinus infection. I know I am experiencing heaps of sinus pressure and since sudafed isn't even making a dent in it at this point, I'm pretty sure that we've moved into the infection stage. Which I'm sure all of ya'll wanna discuss right now as you eat your lunch. I apologize.
Cutting for more bitching - this time about Dawn!
I know! Gasp, Shock, Horror!
But I have a funny sinus infection story. Oh yes - I do. A couple of years ago I was experiencing these same symptoms but I kind of shrugged them off (actually I asked Dawn for some antibiotics and she said I didn't need them, take my claritin and sudafed and quit whining) and after awhile the constant headache just became kind of natural. It never went away so I stopped paying close attention to it. But the blurred vision and the dizziness and vertigo was kind of hard to ignore. Add to that I was having trouble knitting - my hands were stiff and painful and one day at work I couldn't turn a door knob. Dad said the same thing happened to him when he was my age (then 26) and that it was just the early stages of osteoarthritis. Dawn said I needed an adult doctor. So I found one. The schmooziest, sit back and discuss your problems doctor I could find. He literally held my hand. I almost shitted. Seriously. I made a comment about not being able to knit anymore and it really stressing me out and he picked up my hand and told me that he could tell I was a very creative person and that the loss of this outlet was understandably weighing on me.
Please understand that I am sure he is a fabulous doctor. I am certain that his technique and ability to listen are rare gifts indeed. With the right patient - a majority of patients in fact, I am quite positive he is a brilliant healer. However; I am a terrible hypochondriac. I need a doctor that scoffs at me and tells me to get real. A bit of eyerolling helps as well. I need this, otherwise I will be convinced that I am suffering from SARS and it is only a matter of time before I collapse and die.
Ten minutes with this guy and his openness about my symptoms and he had me believing best case scenario is that I have Lupus, worst case an inoperable brain tumor and there is always the potential that this is MS-related.
He is lucky I am so stoic in the face of adversity or he would have to have dealt with one big ole massive panic attack.
So he orders a battery of test - full blood work-up and an MRI.
I go and join a gym with a pool and become obsessed with my diet since I'm most likely either dying (brain tumor) or suffering from a chronic disease.
Two weeks later all of the tests are complete. I have a massive sinus infection (MRI's only significant findings) which explained the headaches and dizziness, et al. My hands? "Oh yeah," the doctor says, "Didn't you say your father experienced early onset of arthritis at your age? Sounds like you have it as well. Here is some Vioxx." He put me on a 10 day round of antibiotics for the sinus infection. I eventually had to go in for 2 shots and another round of pills just to get that sucker out. It was ingrained in my brain. Or rather, in the sinus cavities next to my brain.
So I lived. I also had a PPO and ended up paying approximately $600.00 out of pocket for all those tests to determine that I had a sinus infection and my Dad was right about my hands. At one point Dawn admitted feeling kinda bad she didn't just give me some antibiotics when I asked.
Why tell you this story? Well, to bitch about my sister, of course.
I do not abuse antibiotics. I haven't taken any in years. Probably since the MRI-diagnosed sinus infection. I don't like taking pills - period. I rarely ask Dawn for anything doctor-related. She has a sucky bed side maner so if I am sick actually want her as far away from me as posible.
But I've got this pain in my head that won't go away. And I remember what it felt like before and I'm fairly certain that it is just a sinus infection. If I concentrate on it too much though, I'll make it West Nile, so I'm trying to ignore it but it really hurts. So I ask Dawn for some antibiotics. Not even fancy ones - just regular, good old fashioned, gonna get a yeast infection antibiotics.
She refused. Said I needed a doctor. I told her I don't have time to see a doctor, much less find one and in the back of my mind I am thinking, hell - if I go and see a doctor it is gonna cost me another $600.00 and I would much rather spend that money on a trip somewhere or, you know, make a couple of car payments. She then got hateful and said that she told me to go back on anti-depressants, she has said her peace about that and I need my own doctor.
So that kind of boggled me. I mean - I told her I had a headache - not that I was depressed. And I know she thinks I am severely clinically depressed and maybe I am, but dammit, no - I am coping just fine. It is sometimes okay to be depressed. It is natural. I still do stuff. I still talk to people and I still get out of bed. I'm not crying and I'm not being mean and hateful (unlike some other people *cough*). I think I have been a joy to live with except for the fact that I don't do dishes. As far as sleeping - I'm not sleeping anymore than she did last year and I didn't give her a hard time. Near as I can figure, she thinks I'm depressed cause I don't like the gym. Well, that is just me. I'm lazy. There is a difference between a clinical disorder and just being lazy. As far as I know there is no cure for the latter. And sometimes it is okay to just let your body and mind deal with something on its own. I'm tired of fighting my chemistry - I know me and I know what I can take and if it gets to be too much I'll be the first person you see in the Celexa line. Until then, just let me be.
And anyway - my head hurts.
Cutting for more bitching - this time about Dawn!
I know! Gasp, Shock, Horror!
But I have a funny sinus infection story. Oh yes - I do. A couple of years ago I was experiencing these same symptoms but I kind of shrugged them off (actually I asked Dawn for some antibiotics and she said I didn't need them, take my claritin and sudafed and quit whining) and after awhile the constant headache just became kind of natural. It never went away so I stopped paying close attention to it. But the blurred vision and the dizziness and vertigo was kind of hard to ignore. Add to that I was having trouble knitting - my hands were stiff and painful and one day at work I couldn't turn a door knob. Dad said the same thing happened to him when he was my age (then 26) and that it was just the early stages of osteoarthritis. Dawn said I needed an adult doctor. So I found one. The schmooziest, sit back and discuss your problems doctor I could find. He literally held my hand. I almost shitted. Seriously. I made a comment about not being able to knit anymore and it really stressing me out and he picked up my hand and told me that he could tell I was a very creative person and that the loss of this outlet was understandably weighing on me.
Please understand that I am sure he is a fabulous doctor. I am certain that his technique and ability to listen are rare gifts indeed. With the right patient - a majority of patients in fact, I am quite positive he is a brilliant healer. However; I am a terrible hypochondriac. I need a doctor that scoffs at me and tells me to get real. A bit of eyerolling helps as well. I need this, otherwise I will be convinced that I am suffering from SARS and it is only a matter of time before I collapse and die.
Ten minutes with this guy and his openness about my symptoms and he had me believing best case scenario is that I have Lupus, worst case an inoperable brain tumor and there is always the potential that this is MS-related.
He is lucky I am so stoic in the face of adversity or he would have to have dealt with one big ole massive panic attack.
So he orders a battery of test - full blood work-up and an MRI.
I go and join a gym with a pool and become obsessed with my diet since I'm most likely either dying (brain tumor) or suffering from a chronic disease.
Two weeks later all of the tests are complete. I have a massive sinus infection (MRI's only significant findings) which explained the headaches and dizziness, et al. My hands? "Oh yeah," the doctor says, "Didn't you say your father experienced early onset of arthritis at your age? Sounds like you have it as well. Here is some Vioxx." He put me on a 10 day round of antibiotics for the sinus infection. I eventually had to go in for 2 shots and another round of pills just to get that sucker out. It was ingrained in my brain. Or rather, in the sinus cavities next to my brain.
So I lived. I also had a PPO and ended up paying approximately $600.00 out of pocket for all those tests to determine that I had a sinus infection and my Dad was right about my hands. At one point Dawn admitted feeling kinda bad she didn't just give me some antibiotics when I asked.
Why tell you this story? Well, to bitch about my sister, of course.
I do not abuse antibiotics. I haven't taken any in years. Probably since the MRI-diagnosed sinus infection. I don't like taking pills - period. I rarely ask Dawn for anything doctor-related. She has a sucky bed side maner so if I am sick actually want her as far away from me as posible.
But I've got this pain in my head that won't go away. And I remember what it felt like before and I'm fairly certain that it is just a sinus infection. If I concentrate on it too much though, I'll make it West Nile, so I'm trying to ignore it but it really hurts. So I ask Dawn for some antibiotics. Not even fancy ones - just regular, good old fashioned, gonna get a yeast infection antibiotics.
She refused. Said I needed a doctor. I told her I don't have time to see a doctor, much less find one and in the back of my mind I am thinking, hell - if I go and see a doctor it is gonna cost me another $600.00 and I would much rather spend that money on a trip somewhere or, you know, make a couple of car payments. She then got hateful and said that she told me to go back on anti-depressants, she has said her peace about that and I need my own doctor.
So that kind of boggled me. I mean - I told her I had a headache - not that I was depressed. And I know she thinks I am severely clinically depressed and maybe I am, but dammit, no - I am coping just fine. It is sometimes okay to be depressed. It is natural. I still do stuff. I still talk to people and I still get out of bed. I'm not crying and I'm not being mean and hateful (unlike some other people *cough*). I think I have been a joy to live with except for the fact that I don't do dishes. As far as sleeping - I'm not sleeping anymore than she did last year and I didn't give her a hard time. Near as I can figure, she thinks I'm depressed cause I don't like the gym. Well, that is just me. I'm lazy. There is a difference between a clinical disorder and just being lazy. As far as I know there is no cure for the latter. And sometimes it is okay to just let your body and mind deal with something on its own. I'm tired of fighting my chemistry - I know me and I know what I can take and if it gets to be too much I'll be the first person you see in the Celexa line. Until then, just let me be.
And anyway - my head hurts.
