I stopped going to church about four years ago because I could not take it anymore. Everything you said above was exactly what I was saying. It got to the point that as soon as anyone mentioned God, I wanted to gouge their (or my) eyes out. I just shut down. I didn't understand it because I didn't know how I could believe and want to make myself better but at the same time be disgusted when people talk of God.
The change for me actually didn't come until last quarter. I found a reason to be Catholic. I found someone who was smart and had a talent for helping others to understand. He said shit that no one else was willing to say, and it made us really think about everything. His number one point of the evening: Jesus was a complete failure.
He is Jesuit priest and I met him when I took one of his philosophy classes. He is exactly the kind of priest that I have been looking for. Logical, sane, intelligent, thought-provoking, and a great role model.
My advice: find some Jesuits. They have one of the best histories as a group, and you actually have to be intelligent (pHd) to be one. I can't guarrantee that they are all good, but going to a Jesuit school has really made all the difference for me. I feel like all that spirituality that went untapped because of all the stupidity of the church has finally been given a way out.
As for me now, I reject the church as an organized religion. But I read the theology and philosophy of it all and try to apply that to my life. I may not be getting the eucharist every Sunday, but at least I am thoroughly examining myself and the world around me, without glossy eyes and zombie responses.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2005-07-06 06:37 am (UTC)I stopped going to church about four years ago because I could not take it anymore. Everything you said above was exactly what I was saying. It got to the point that as soon as anyone mentioned God, I wanted to gouge their (or my) eyes out. I just shut down. I didn't understand it because I didn't know how I could believe and want to make myself better but at the same time be disgusted when people talk of God.
The change for me actually didn't come until last quarter. I found a reason to be Catholic. I found someone who was smart and had a talent for helping others to understand. He said shit that no one else was willing to say, and it made us really think about everything. His number one point of the evening: Jesus was a complete failure.
He is Jesuit priest and I met him when I took one of his philosophy classes. He is exactly the kind of priest that I have been looking for. Logical, sane, intelligent, thought-provoking, and a great role model.
My advice: find some Jesuits. They have one of the best histories as a group, and you actually have to be intelligent (pHd) to be one. I can't guarrantee that they are all good, but going to a Jesuit school has really made all the difference for me. I feel like all that spirituality that went untapped because of all the stupidity of the church has finally been given a way out.
As for me now, I reject the church as an organized religion. But I read the theology and philosophy of it all and try to apply that to my life. I may not be getting the eucharist every Sunday, but at least I am thoroughly examining myself and the world around me, without glossy eyes and zombie responses.
My religion? Has to be smart.