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The Vidder Poor Me Meme
Dec. 3rd, 2009 02:50 pmSo, here is the deal: I am not participating in the Vidder Love Meme because I am so deep in the wells of "I Suck" thoughtitude, that I am both afraid that there will be no love for me AND (simultaneously) that any love for me will be just for me as a person by my friends or out of pity.
Seriously, we are talking about the DEPTHS of self-pity, here.
My Story, Let Me Show You It:
A few years ago, I had a Fuck It Revolution. Basically, I kinda stopped caring if anyone other than a few people whose opinion I respected liked or even watched my vids. I let my website go down, I barely made an effort to post my vids and I didn't post on LJ much at all. There were a ton of personal life issues, but for the most part, I was okay with where I stood as an artist and the things I had made.
I was also full of shit. Seriously. It all came crashing down on me at VVC when I felt fucking OBSOLETE and like a vidding hasbeen who never even was. I was a wannabehasbeen! I was Tracy Scoggins!
Suddenly, everything mattered and I needed approval! Or at least discussion! JUST LOOK AT ME OVER HERE, I STILL EXIST OMG PLEASE DO YOU SEE ME AND AM I EVEN WORTH TALKING ABOUT???? I even felt like shit retroactively over the vids I made when I didn't "care" if anyone ever saw them. Yes, I DID CARE. I DO WANT PEOPLE TO SEE MY WORK!!! I am sad when it appears like no one wants to watch the shit I make.
So - inspired by this I present you with:
Seriously, we are talking about the DEPTHS of self-pity, here.
My Story, Let Me Show You It:
A few years ago, I had a Fuck It Revolution. Basically, I kinda stopped caring if anyone other than a few people whose opinion I respected liked or even watched my vids. I let my website go down, I barely made an effort to post my vids and I didn't post on LJ much at all. There were a ton of personal life issues, but for the most part, I was okay with where I stood as an artist and the things I had made.
I was also full of shit. Seriously. It all came crashing down on me at VVC when I felt fucking OBSOLETE and like a vidding hasbeen who never even was. I was a wannabehasbeen! I was Tracy Scoggins!
Suddenly, everything mattered and I needed approval! Or at least discussion! JUST LOOK AT ME OVER HERE, I STILL EXIST OMG PLEASE DO YOU SEE ME AND AM I EVEN WORTH TALKING ABOUT???? I even felt like shit retroactively over the vids I made when I didn't "care" if anyone ever saw them. Yes, I DID CARE. I DO WANT PEOPLE TO SEE MY WORK!!! I am sad when it appears like no one wants to watch the shit I make.
So - inspired by this I present you with:
The Vidder Poor Me Meme
Here are the rules, such as they may be:
You can ONLY reply to whine about yourself. Seriously. If you try to spin something positive about yourself you will immediately be beaten down with breadsticks (I miss carbs). You can reply to other people's whines about themselves with support and love but ONLY if you are prepared to deal with an almost irrational level of self-pity and doubt. You can tell someone to buck up all you want. They do not have to listen.
Comparisions of Angst are absolutely encouraged. We can even have a VidderDome of Suck if you want: However, flames will not be tolerated (and this goes without saying and for the most part, vidders are very well mannered even when crippled by horrible self-doubt). I will delete posts that piss me off (ie are mean to anyone other than yourself).
Have "fun."
You can ONLY reply to whine about yourself. Seriously. If you try to spin something positive about yourself you will immediately be beaten down with breadsticks (I miss carbs). You can reply to other people's whines about themselves with support and love but ONLY if you are prepared to deal with an almost irrational level of self-pity and doubt. You can tell someone to buck up all you want. They do not have to listen.
Comparisions of Angst are absolutely encouraged. We can even have a VidderDome of Suck if you want: However, flames will not be tolerated (and this goes without saying and for the most part, vidders are very well mannered even when crippled by horrible self-doubt). I will delete posts that piss me off (ie are mean to anyone other than yourself).
Have "fun."
