I had a ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
renenet for dinner! I mean, I prepared a dinner for a renenet. Also a Cappy. Alas, she had to leave. Renenet, not Cappy except Cappy's left for work as well.
Work is still insane, it will always be insane and I have power in that knowledge. Also, things are going really really well for my program, my kids are amazing and I feel like I am doing what I always wanted to do there. So, yes - I am very high on the job satisfaction/fulfillment scale right now. I'm also making sure to demand the ability to perform self-care and while I accept that sometimes I'll spend over 18 consecutive hours on campus, I can also tell them "Hey, I'm leaving early today - call me if there is an emergency but otherwise handle it. Bye!" and it will be okay.
I'm not sure where I stand creatively-fannishly right now. I haven't been vidding anything at all since about a month before VVC - but ALL my fannish interaction is very low right now and I don't feel antsy or depressed or any of the other things I used to feel back when my life was being sucked away in a gray cubicle. I'm creatively challenged right now on a daily basis at work, so that probably explains why I'm not jonesing for Premiere - I'm also knitting because Christmas is coming and I'm broke, but I do have a yarn stash. I'm content to let this go for a little bit longer but I also know enough about the state of me to realize that eventually I'll need ANOTHER outlet and when that time comes, I have the perfect Kat/Starbuck vid to see me through. That or the one about Sam and his brother, this guy you might have heard about, named Dean? Anyone?
OH! And there is the whole "woman-'fixed'-by-man" zombie (or not) multi source thing I want to do to an incredibly misogynistic (but CATCHY as hell) song I love that could just be a plea for attention or just based on an irrational love of Resident Evil or maybe I do have something to say. And there are an awful lot of female heroes I love who have something "added" to them by male sources - Alice from Res Evil of course, but also the Bionic Woman (and why can't she still be "The Bionic Woman" - I'll never get used to this loss of article and I miss the original) and even Buffy finds out the slayer power was basically due to a demon rape of the first slayer by the original watcher's council. Poor slayers. Adding Buffy and Jaime would mean losing the zombie apocolypse focus of the vid in my head, which would mean changing the song, which is probably a good idea, which makes me sad. What else makes me sad is I can actually just make this vid and STILL KEEP the zombie apocolypse and still have plenty of female heroes whose essence wasn't enough to be a zombie warrior and had to be changed in some way.
But I digress. What I actually came here to post about is this:
I decided tonight to read some fanfic and so I go to one of my favorite SPN rec's site:killabeez's Big List of Supernatural Recs and I actually tear up when I see her silly ratings key includes:
NOT SISABET-SAFE = Cruelty and/or harm to dogs or kids or other innocents.
Sniff. I feel all loved and shit. I also suddenly have the perverse desire to find all the fic that will FUCK ME UP and read it immediately because apparently I don't really understand self-preservation or perhaps I can only really do self-care well in one aspect of my life.
I am all complicated.
renenet for dinner! I mean, I prepared a dinner for a renenet. Also a Cappy. Alas, she had to leave. Renenet, not Cappy except Cappy's left for work as well. Work is still insane, it will always be insane and I have power in that knowledge. Also, things are going really really well for my program, my kids are amazing and I feel like I am doing what I always wanted to do there. So, yes - I am very high on the job satisfaction/fulfillment scale right now. I'm also making sure to demand the ability to perform self-care and while I accept that sometimes I'll spend over 18 consecutive hours on campus, I can also tell them "Hey, I'm leaving early today - call me if there is an emergency but otherwise handle it. Bye!" and it will be okay.
I'm not sure where I stand creatively-fannishly right now. I haven't been vidding anything at all since about a month before VVC - but ALL my fannish interaction is very low right now and I don't feel antsy or depressed or any of the other things I used to feel back when my life was being sucked away in a gray cubicle. I'm creatively challenged right now on a daily basis at work, so that probably explains why I'm not jonesing for Premiere - I'm also knitting because Christmas is coming and I'm broke, but I do have a yarn stash. I'm content to let this go for a little bit longer but I also know enough about the state of me to realize that eventually I'll need ANOTHER outlet and when that time comes, I have the perfect Kat/Starbuck vid to see me through. That or the one about Sam and his brother, this guy you might have heard about, named Dean? Anyone?
OH! And there is the whole "woman-'fixed'-by-man" zombie (or not) multi source thing I want to do to an incredibly misogynistic (but CATCHY as hell) song I love that could just be a plea for attention or just based on an irrational love of Resident Evil or maybe I do have something to say. And there are an awful lot of female heroes I love who have something "added" to them by male sources - Alice from Res Evil of course, but also the Bionic Woman (and why can't she still be "The Bionic Woman" - I'll never get used to this loss of article and I miss the original) and even Buffy finds out the slayer power was basically due to a demon rape of the first slayer by the original watcher's council. Poor slayers. Adding Buffy and Jaime would mean losing the zombie apocolypse focus of the vid in my head, which would mean changing the song, which is probably a good idea, which makes me sad. What else makes me sad is I can actually just make this vid and STILL KEEP the zombie apocolypse and still have plenty of female heroes whose essence wasn't enough to be a zombie warrior and had to be changed in some way.
But I digress. What I actually came here to post about is this:
I decided tonight to read some fanfic and so I go to one of my favorite SPN rec's site:
killabeez's Big List of Supernatural Recs and I actually tear up when I see her silly ratings key includes: NOT SISABET-SAFE = Cruelty and/or harm to dogs or kids or other innocents.
Sniff. I feel all loved and shit. I also suddenly have the perverse desire to find all the fic that will FUCK ME UP and read it immediately because apparently I don't really understand self-preservation or perhaps I can only really do self-care well in one aspect of my life.
I am all complicated.
