Crying Over Spilled Milk

I have two passes to see a preview of Elizabethtown tonight in Hamburg, and no one to go with. I've got co-workers who always say they want to go to the movies, but never do. Dawn has to work and The Boy is grounded. I know I know other people and I supposed I could make the effort of picking up my cell phone, but meh. It's Tuesday night - I'll go by myself.

Part of me is already cringing in advance over how the people from Kentucky will or will not be portrayed. Cameron Crowe seems really taken with our music, so here is hoping SmallTownKentucky does not equal IgnorantRedneckHicks who are merely an amusing background setting for our much more advanced and urbane Leads.

Not that E-Town isn't full of redneck hicks - it is, don't get me wrong. I just want some balance. Also, I don't find Orlando Bloom hot. I don't find him unattractive, I mean, if he asked me out I'd be all over that - I just don't get all "oooooh Orlando!" when I see him.

In other news: I am almost finished with a vid. This is a big, fucking deal. You have no idea. I'm also taken my new habit of feeling the sudden urge to burst into tears in stride. It's probably some kind of hormonal shift my body has to adjust to or just a side effect of stress and the crap this time of year always brings. It doesn't appear to be anything to worry about - it is just new.

And kind of neat. Like - I can sit and think about something and all of a sudden my thoughts will turn and I'll realize something and I will have to cry. And then I feel fine again. Or I'll be watching television and I'll see something and I'll have to cry and then it is over. It is like a little tiny five minute breakdown. I thought they were all hurricane related when it started but it hasn't stopped - if anything I can count on it being more regular.

And it isn't as if I don't ever cry, I do. I just usually save up a bunch of stuff and then have a big huge tantrum complete with sobs and snot and a nasty headache and exhaustion and snuffling. It ain't pretty. This is really different - it is like my emotional pressure valve broke and the slightest thing will cause me to choke up and it is like a little mini-whirlwind and then I take a deep breath and not only am I fine - I feel better.

And it is amazing the things that can cause these fits. Like, I was watching this nature documentary - episode one of "The Blue Planet" and there was this long drawn out scene where these sharks kill this gray whale calf and the mother whale mourns and she reminded me of Moya and I lost it. Then I was fine.

I saw a car that made me sad because the paint job was sloppy and I felt bad for the car and while I didn't actually cry this time, my throat started hurting. If I had kept thinking about it - what that car has gone through and how it got from there to here, I totally would have lost it. Thankfully, the light changed and I made a left turn away.

Just today I was thinking about something that exists only in my head. And I was talking to pipsqueaky last night and she said something that slid all these puzzle pieces into place about this character, that isn't even a fictional character I've swiped to play with - she isn't real at all - and she went from being this kinda, sorta caricature of an old college roommate, to being real and making sense and I started crying because what I had done in my head really hurt her. And I felt bad for her. Except she isn't real and in effect the only thing I have done is tell a story, to myself, that made me cry.

But for only a few minutes and then I was fine. I wonder if this just means I am getting more shallow? Cause I don't think it is gonna be possible for me to lose anymore depth, here. I'm pretty much just all surface anymore.