Smile and the World Smiles with You, Laugh and My Office Thinks You're Weird

I generally get a chance to check my email around 10 or 11ish in the morning. Today I discovered that sockkpuppett had sent me a link. A harmless looking, innocent-seeming link.

I followed that innocent link and ended up crying! Sobbing! With laughter. At first my shoulders were just shaking silently, as they are wont to do - but I still maintained. As I read further, the soft snorting turned into loud gasps for air and I completely lost it.

Two cubicle mates zipped right over to see what was so funny. I tried to explain it to them - a process that actually required me to rap; thereby making this entire enterprise even funnier, at least to me.

At one point I lost the ability to speak at all and just pointed at my screen as I sat on my knees, doubled up on the floor.

Alas, my co-workers didn't get it. They seemed somewhat bemused, but I think it is more at the fact that I had tears streaming down my face and was hiccupping (and it wasn't because I had just been fired) than thinking the content of the page was funny.

Well, they are wrong. This - this is funny. This is PURE COMEDY GOLD and I am just fortunate to have a FList I can share it with. Thank god.

To get the full extent of the joke, you need to be familiar with Kanye West's song "Jesus Walks" - except, actually you don't. I should do a phone post before my paid account expires and rap this, don't ya think?? HEEE

Anyways, the lyric is "The way school need teachers/ the way Kathie Lee needed Regis/ That's the way I need Jesus" and what has been done is this has been adapted to other religions.

Just...

Okay, for Islam:

The way Madonna need the Kabbalah / The way Skee-Lo needed more royalties from "I wish I was a li'l bit talla" / That the way I need Allah.


Atheism:

The way the Red Sox need the curse of Babe Ruth / The way Abraham Lincoln needed Booth / That's how much I need a deity of any sort / That is to say, not very much at all.


My personal favorite - Zoroastrianism:

The way the troops need to come home from Basra / The way my friend Terry's dad needs his '96 Mazda / So, too, do I need a Mazda, except I am of course referring to Ahura Mazda, the single supreme god of Zoroastrianism.

I just -- by the time I got to the Judaism, I hit the floor in hysterics. Y'all get it, right?? I mean, this is funny - right??

::reads it again::

It just doesn't stop being funny.

::bookmarks::

SUCCESS!!!

In an attempt to balance out my past week whine-fest and in celebration of my returning to an Even-Keel-Liz (well... even for me) I am posting a list of pretty cool shit going on right now.

1. Last night I dreamed that I was out of Diet Mountain Dew and then I went to work and the vending machine was broken and I was thirsty. Exciting stuff, I am sure - but this, this is what my normal dreams should feature. Haha! Take that Frodo, you bastard! My dream also reinforces that I am a person highly influenced by repetition and I didn't have to drag my ass out to the theater to regain control.

2. In an effort to stave off the potential bad dreams, I tried to go to sleep watching "Flowers for Hobbes" last night, thinking this would be a nice comforting way to drift off. However, it seems that I am unable to stop watching FfH long enough to fall asleep. The good in this is that I watched "Flowers for Hobbes" again last night and that is never a bad thing. Yay! Bobby! Yay Penelope!

3. Today at lunch I finally figured out what vid Lyle Lovett's "Private Conversation" wants to be and not only was the general topic revealed to me - the entire vid lit up like a Christmas tree in my head with side-notes and switch-arounds and scenes that frame a larger story and a very quiet moment when the private conversation is just that - a private conversation a person has with herself and it was soooo nice and made me so happy because I really really really want to vid this part:

And the moral of this story
Is I guess it’s easier said than done
To look at what you’ve been through
And to see what you’ve become

And now I can. Well, theoretically I can. I don't have any source and only watch the show haphazardly, but these things are just details!! I know what that song is about now and I have wanted to know that for years. YAY!!


4. This is actually a result of #3, but it appears that my week of craving bad vids (and of craving to make them) is winding down. I have a real exciting idea, in my head, and right now the need to see "Babe" is a distant memory. Whew.

5. I went in with several co-workers on the $71 million Powerball tonight cause really - this is about as far as I am getting in my retirement planning. I have a 401k, I just don't really know what is going on with it. I think there is a column of theoretical numbers in the projections that they sent me and that just makes my head hurt. But I can read a PB ticket that says 8, 39, 54, 37, 17 and powerball of 12 -- I get that.

So I might just be a millionaire. Seriously. It could happen. I might also be struck by lightening, fall into a crater in the Earth and be kidnapped by militia extremists. Right now, I am leaning toward the millionaire thing.

Commas Cause Problems

Huh - today I caved and stopped listening to the local radio. I couldn't even make it a full three days. It sucks - I mean, I was dangerously close to vidding Southern Cross just 'cause the local classic rock station plays it on repeat as if they want it vidded.

I was confused.

Speaking of confusion - I just realized there is a comma in the Jackson Browne song "Doctor, My Eyes" which... I didn't know that.

So the song is mainly calling out for the doctor to pay attention to his eyes, right? If the doctor's name was Gene then the song could theoretically be "Gene, My Eyes" cause that is just really strange.

I always thought word "doctor" was used as a verb. "Doctor my eyes" as in a command. As in fix or heal my eyes. Perhaps this is because I was raised out in bumfuck where the word doctor can be a verb.

Doctor, my eyes
Tell me what is wrong
Was I unwise to leave them open for so long

I mean - this makes so much more sense to me if he is just wanting someone to fix what he has seen in a metaphorical sense. Making the doctor real - that makes the song suck way more than it already did for me. And that was a lot.

ETA: The word doctor can also be used to indicate tinkering with something or, in Emeril Speak, kicking it up a notch. I liked that interpretation of the song way more as well. Man. This Dr. Gene - he sucks all the fun outta everything.