And This Is My Four Leaf Clover

[sisabet]

So I thought about it. And yeah, I'm depressed - but I think that is just me. Like, that is just an integral part of my personality. And I'm doing better - or well - or whatever it is you say. And I finished Paradise and that has to count for something with the dealing with things status.

And I've been putting off seeing "Donnie Darko" just cause I thought it might upset me. But then I really want to see heres_luck's vid and understand it. And I thought about it. It is supposed to be dark, yet beautiful. Disturbing and intriguing. These are not things I have shyed away from in the past.

And it is fox1013's favorite movie. Amy likes "The Princess Bride" and Muppets and Madeline L'Engle and Faith and Lilah and Mary Cherry - all things that are good and pure in the world. Amy would not steer you wrong.

So I watched. And cried uncontrollably for an as yet unspecified time. But god. It was. And. With the. So Beautiful and god.

cutting for extreme spoilers


And I have no idea what the fuck happened, but Donnie died and I understand (I think) that he had to remove himself from the equation...but right now I am just devastated at his sister's face in that last scene. And his mom. And DONNIE.

So - I'm rewatching again - and again until I understand a bit more. Then I'll listen to the commentary and have it explained to me. But it is actually kinda making sense to me right now and then I am thinking about how I can apply this fannishly and man. God. This movie.

And God - in this movie - OH!! I need to see that part with Noah Wylie again. And. Ack!! Sparkle Motion scares the bejesus outta me.

The music. He vidded his own movie. And "Head Over Heels" is lyrically appropriate and works and I am so floored by all of this.

And this my four leaf clover
I'm on the line, one open mind
This is my four leaf clover
In my minds eye
One little boy, one little man
Funny how, time flies

Something that was bugging me during the first hour of the movie was moments where characters were just purposely rude to other characters. I just, I don't like that - it feels like a cousin of intentional cruelty. I've just been indocrinated to Say Things Nicely - therefore I would never tell my mother (out of the blue) "I'm reading, get out of my room" and I would never make fun of my brother and call him a dick and try to pick a fight over politics at the dinner table with my father like Elizabeth. Except I totally would. And have. And his family was pretty cool.

It just seemed like some characters - Drew Barrymore's in particular - seemed almost too direct. I was thinking in my head that a please or thank you wouldn't hurt - but I think that is a distinction made on purpose - because the most polite and softly worded characters are also the most corrupt and or bankrupt.

Interesting.

Why Donnie did what he did and what was happening with Frank - except - did Frank owe him a debt - or was Frank trying to stop it? Or was Frank God and knowing your fate means nothing if God has you on a set course - how predetermined was Donnie? I mean - he eventually had a choice - where did that choice end and begin? And I'm glad that at one point in the movie I let go of the DSM-IV and stopped trying to diagnose Donnie. Although, I think if someone that young was exhibiting such extreme symptoms of paranoid schizophrenia - well I don't know what I would do. I don't think his shrink was wrong upping the meds...but god he is young.

And I think I'm gonna stop now and rewatch the movie and hl's vid.

And I am glad I watched it alone. I do better with this kinda thing alone.