And This Is My Four Leaf Clover

[sisabet]

So I thought about it. And yeah, I'm depressed - but I think that is just me. Like, that is just an integral part of my personality. And I'm doing better - or well - or whatever it is you say. And I finished Paradise and that has to count for something with the dealing with things status.

And I've been putting off seeing "Donnie Darko" just cause I thought it might upset me. But then I really want to see heres_luck's vid and understand it. And I thought about it. It is supposed to be dark, yet beautiful. Disturbing and intriguing. These are not things I have shyed away from in the past.

And it is fox1013's favorite movie. Amy likes "The Princess Bride" and Muppets and Madeline L'Engle and Faith and Lilah and Mary Cherry - all things that are good and pure in the world. Amy would not steer you wrong.

So I watched. And cried uncontrollably for an as yet unspecified time. But god. It was. And. With the. So Beautiful and god.

cutting for extreme spoilers


And I have no idea what the fuck happened, but Donnie died and I understand (I think) that he had to remove himself from the equation...but right now I am just devastated at his sister's face in that last scene. And his mom. And DONNIE.

So - I'm rewatching again - and again until I understand a bit more. Then I'll listen to the commentary and have it explained to me. But it is actually kinda making sense to me right now and then I am thinking about how I can apply this fannishly and man. God. This movie.

And God - in this movie - OH!! I need to see that part with Noah Wylie again. And. Ack!! Sparkle Motion scares the bejesus outta me.

The music. He vidded his own movie. And "Head Over Heels" is lyrically appropriate and works and I am so floored by all of this.

And this my four leaf clover
I'm on the line, one open mind
This is my four leaf clover
In my minds eye
One little boy, one little man
Funny how, time flies

Something that was bugging me during the first hour of the movie was moments where characters were just purposely rude to other characters. I just, I don't like that - it feels like a cousin of intentional cruelty. I've just been indocrinated to Say Things Nicely - therefore I would never tell my mother (out of the blue) "I'm reading, get out of my room" and I would never make fun of my brother and call him a dick and try to pick a fight over politics at the dinner table with my father like Elizabeth. Except I totally would. And have. And his family was pretty cool.

It just seemed like some characters - Drew Barrymore's in particular - seemed almost too direct. I was thinking in my head that a please or thank you wouldn't hurt - but I think that is a distinction made on purpose - because the most polite and softly worded characters are also the most corrupt and or bankrupt.

Interesting.

Why Donnie did what he did and what was happening with Frank - except - did Frank owe him a debt - or was Frank trying to stop it? Or was Frank God and knowing your fate means nothing if God has you on a set course - how predetermined was Donnie? I mean - he eventually had a choice - where did that choice end and begin? And I'm glad that at one point in the movie I let go of the DSM-IV and stopped trying to diagnose Donnie. Although, I think if someone that young was exhibiting such extreme symptoms of paranoid schizophrenia - well I don't know what I would do. I don't think his shrink was wrong upping the meds...but god he is young.

And I think I'm gonna stop now and rewatch the movie and hl's vid.

And I am glad I watched it alone. I do better with this kinda thing alone.

Comments

[jmtorres.livejournal.com]

Are you aware of the website? (http://donniedarko.com/) You have to play through levels of a game, but it ends up telling you some interesting stuff, like pages from the time travel book Mrs. Sparrow wrote (though if you had the DVD you may have already seen that).

[crowie.livejournal.com]

I second the website rec, it's one of the greatest websites there are on the web. It's an interactive mystery thing. The sound design in it is awesome.

And it ends up telling you stuff about the Donnie Darko movieverse that I dont think you can get anywhere else (I haven't looked carefully at the dvd though)

[jmtorres.livejournal.com]

*nodding* There are also newspaper articles from the primary universe.

[mlheathen.livejournal.com]

Sorry to break it to you, but they don't explain anything in the commentary. This is one of those films that you get even though you don't quite get it. If you're anything like me, you'll be thinking about it for a long time.
I'm glad you finally watched it and that it resonated with you.

[thefakeheadline.livejournal.com]

I think he didn't really have any choice - the explanation my friends and I worked out after seeing it was that not dying when it was his time kind of created a pocket universe that was becoming unstable, so Donnie pretty much *had* to get back to the start and meet his destiny or else everyone in the world would die.

My understanding of the reason everyone was so direct in the parts of the movie after the plane (fell the first time was that the pocket-universe-timeline-thing he was in was basically affecting/using them to get Donnie to understand that he *had* to go back and die himself. I was bothered by the way the psychologist talks to him the first time I watched the movie, but I sort of get it after listening to the commentaries and reading the script. It's sort of a disturbingly fatalistic moral message, and from the outside it looks a *lot* like Donnie's got symptoms of schizophrenia, but I think within the world of the movie he really didn't have any choice.

All YMMV, of course - this movie's especially open to a lot of different interpretations.

My friend drew up a diagram of the timeline at one point...I should see if one of us still has it.

[luminosity]

d00d! You watched DD and I wasn't here! I promised to be Supporto-gal for you! I'm glad to see you're doing okay. Yeah, I cried through it the first time, too, but then, after my initial omigod-creepout-now-I-get-Anya's-aversion-to-bunnies-GAHHH! moment? I thought it was one of the coolest movies I'd ever seen. And oh yeah, I want to vid everything in it. That's where I first heard Gary Jules' "Mad World" and vidded it over a weekend. The music!

We'll talk later.

[heresluck]

I'm so glad you watched the movie and were moved by it.

And yes, isn't the music in it amazing? The use of "Under the Milky Way" really sent me. I can't say I *chose* the "Cat Scan Hist'ry" -- the rightness of it just sort of hit me like a truck -- but I was really glad that The Right Song was from about that era and both like and unlike the movie's own music.

...the most polite and softly worded characters are also the most corrupt and or bankrupt.

I hadn't thought of this at all, but I think you're right. And I *love* Drew Barrymore's character. I mean, English teacher. But also, she seems to get Donnie in some really important ways, and she genuinely likes him -- and yet she has no idea what to do for him, and in fact doesn't understand the magnitude of his problems at all. She just made so much sense to me as a character. I was really bummed that she didn't fit in the vid.

And Sparkle Motion is just so unbelievably creepy.

[renenet.livejournal.com]

Yay, you watched! And yay it blew your mind wide open and you fell in love. It's really incredible, isn't it? One of your other commenters is correct: it's getting a director's cut treatment and theatrical re-lease in late summer after a "premiere" this month at the Seattle Film Festival. And there's a Frank action figure in the works, possibly for next year. </your fannish movie news service>

[buffyx.livejournal.com]

Oh god, Donnie Darko is my favorite movie ever. The commentary with Jake and the director is *amazing* and you must watch it ASAP. There's also a commentary with almost the entire cast and director. Did you know the actress playing Donnie's sister is Jake Gyllenhaal's (Donnie's) *real* sister? Crazy.

The official website is confusing as hell but really intriguing, and offers a sort of epilogue to the movie. Very cool.

[loves-bitch.livejournal.com]

I don't think that your really supposed to understand Donnie Darko. I think it's the writer, or maybe Drew Barrymore, who says in the commentary that everyone is supposed to come away with their own theory. So nobodies right and no ones wrong. Your just supposed to believe in Donnie and that in a sense that the journey is the destination. That he had to understand what was going to happen before he was able to die.

All I really know is 1) I identify with Churita Waaaay to much and 2) I thought Mad World made me cry before, now I bawl. :-/

[mlyn.livejournal.com]

Link me heres_luck's vid? S'il vous plait? *Bats eyelashes*

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

Her LJ post announcing the vid:

http://www.livejournal.com/users/heres_luck/117605.html